There is an unspoken pressure in long-term relationships that makes couples think that if things are quiet, things are wrong. People make so many assumptions about long-term relationships, but here are the things no one actually talks about.
First, your relationship becomes less about love and more of a choice.
While your love doesn’t lose its meaning, it definitely takes on a new shape.
Every passing day that you are in a long-term relationship is a conscious decision to remain with that person through it all. It is easy to forget that this daily choice is an act of love.
Relationships are like investments. You put in the dedication and effort to be rich in love
Over time, arguments simply become disagreements.
In today’s society, arguing in romantic relationships is so glorified. I can’t tell you how many movies I’ve watched where a couple breaks up simply because they “didn’t argue,” or how everyone eats up dramatic arguments on reality TV.
The Serena and Kordell fight definitely set a new standard for couple arguments.
However, no one seems to talk about how relieving it is to lose the theatrics of an argument and be comfortable disagreeing. It is important to remember that healthy relationships are defined by resolution rather than the lack of anger.
Just because you are not angry does not mean the problems aren’t there.
Rather than priding yourself on not resulting in a screaming match for an argument, be proud of being able to solve the problem. Remember that the absence of chaos doesn’t necessarily equal the absence of love. It means stability.
Once you know your partner like the back of your hand, it’s easy to become one person.
The beauty of long-term relationships is that it allows two individuals to grow together. After so much time, how do you prevent growing into each other?
In stable relationships, you must also make the effort to maintain your independence.
It is important to ask yourself who you are without that person, and figure out how to be that version with the person you love the most. As well as encouraging your partner to explore these versions of themselves as well.
Growing into yourself doesn’t always mean growing apart.
Getting through the lulls in the relationship.
There are ups and downs in every relationship, but there are also periods where things are consistent. You don’t feel bored with the relationship, but one day you’ll be excited to wear sweats, get food with your partner, and ask yourself, “Am I boring?”
The answer is: some people might find that boring. Now, you must decide whether that matters to you or not. Your relationship is no longer based on initial attraction, but on the ongoing effort to maintain intimacy.
It is these quiet, mundane moments that are the sweetest. It is a demonstration of your active choice to love your partner.
Lastly, there is no rush.
There are times when you get impatient, eager to move on to the next stage in your lives together. Sometimes, rushing things can actually do more harm than good. You owe yourself and your relationship the time to do things at your own pace.
After all, the best things are worth the wait.
The truth is, long-term relationships aren’t defined by lavish gestures or endless excitement, but by the quiet consistency of choosing each other.
I guess that’s what makes them so special. In a world built by chaos, you get to build something steady.
Are you in a long-term relationship? Let us know @HerCampusSJSU.