I’m so happy to be going abroad next spring because something about the second half of the year simply takes me out. People love spring: the weather is beautiful (for only two weeks after what seems like an eternal winter), summer approaches (which is not always a good thing), and students have finally established balance by this point (this one is simply not true for most people).
I prefer the fall semester because everything seems fresh, new, and full of opportunity (plus the weather is not terrible until the very end). Overall, an element of the fall semester that the spring semester lacks completely is my ability to actually participate in class.
I thought it was just going to be a freshman year thing; I spent my fall adjusting to Kenyon norms and drowning in participation points (for some classes more than others, of course). However, once spring hit, I went silent. I talked in one class, a French special topic, and only because nobody else did. The rest of my classes incited a fear of speaking up that I had never experienced before. I had never been met with that level of concern from my professors. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t understand the material, but I was just too afraid to speak. Partly because it seemed as if everyone in my class was a professional academic who had studied these topics for decades, but also because it seemed like anything I would have to add simply did not matter.
I’m finding myself in a similar situation this spring: I go to class, my mouth stays shut (despite the whirring of gears and flurry of thoughts in my mind), and then I leave. My professors are only slightly concerned this time around, though.
I think the problem is the pressure. God forbid a girl joins a class to learn about a new topic rather than coming in as a seasoned scholar. Everyone everywhere seems to know almost everything, and it always seems like they know more than me. There’s pressure to produce a perfectly articulated argument. By the time I think of something, the topic has shifted, resulting in a pressure to keep up with the rapid changes in conversation topics. Everyone starts incorporating their own ideas that often have nothing to do with what the professor is trying to say.
I wouldn’t even consider myself to be more than a mildly extroverted introvert, so speaking when I’m comfortable does not seem to be an issue. The problem is getting comfortable. In some classrooms, professors seem to value certain students’ thoughts more than others, so the rest of us with nothing meaningful to add are never sought out to share. Not saying we should bring back cold calling, but where’s the encouragement?
I know at the end of the day, people come to college to participate in discussions and serve as the gods of their coursework. I know at the end of the day, fear of participation is just a hurdle that I need to jump over. But I don’t think I’ll leap over that hurdle until Fall 2026.