Here’s something I wish someone had told me sooner: the point of a relationship in college isn’t always for it to last- it’s for you to learn something from it. Dating a frat guy is a milestone experience for lots of college girls, one that comes attached with parties, social events, and a house on frat row.
Besides learning how to do a keg stand, becoming fluent in frat slang, “that’s so ferda.” And how to frat-flick to Pitbull. Looking back, if you’re paying attention, it can also teach you a lot about who you are. Because at some point, you realize it’s not really about who you’re dating but what the experience is showing you about yourself.
The relationship helped me grow socially, emotionally, and personally, providing greater insight into relationships, trust, and how to navigate different social circles. Here are five things that being with a frat guy taught me that will stay with me long after the breakup…
Be Open-Minded
Fraternity guys are one of the most stereotyped characters in college, thanks to their “Animal House” behavior. Before I started college, I imagined frat houses as a college version of Ken’s Mojo Dojo Casa House, based on the stigma I heard surrounding them. Because I came to college with an open mind, I was able to experience it for myself before forming any opinions.
Given that I had an open mind, I made so many memories, checked off so many things on my “Freshman year: bucket list,” and became easily involved with the social scene, where I met some of my closest friends. Through these experiences, I was introduced to the other side of Greek Life, providing a backstage pass to a part of college I wouldn’t have had otherwise. It even made me consider joining a sorority next year.
I also realized that fraternity membership is just one aspect of someone’s identity, not a one-size-fits-all definition of the stereotypical ‘frat bro.’ (Also, another thing I learned was: don’t say frat, it’s fraternity, some people really do take it that seriously.)
The lesson is to give people a chance beyond first impressions. College-or life, really-always works best when you’re open to seeing the person for who they are behind the label.
Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Dating a frat guy teaches you that stepping out of your comfort zone can reveal parts of yourself you didn’t know existed, especially as a Freshman in college when it already feels so new. I began to notice the personal growth that happens when you say yes to things that seem ‘not your thing.’
It introduced me to my more extroverted side and helped me gain more confidence simply by taking advantage of new opportunities.
I learned that I really do love fashion, having to dress right for events, from all the themed parties to grab-a-dates, when to wear heels, and most importantly, what’s a good white lie to write on a tank top, “I’ll be ready in five minutes!”
As well as becoming more of a sports fan (go Niners!) when football becomes routinely implanted into your Sunday schedule, before I didn’t even know most of the rules, and now I know multiple teams’ rosters. Something I continue cheering on to this day.
Since I was able to step out of my comfort zone, I realized how important it is to branch out in all areas of your life, from trying new hobbies and joining clubs, to mustering up the confidence to step into social situations that seem intimidating (yes, I know that feeling a little too well). Though really saying yes teaches you more about who you are than what you might expect.
Trust Is Key
Dating a frat guy really reinforces how important it is to trust the person you’re with, especially in social settings when new connections and big events are ingrained in the lifestyle. Greek Life is really social by nature, and there are a lot of different events, from mixers to supporting philanthropies, that involve many people you do not know, and yes, that includes lots of sorority girls.
Therefore, it’s really important to communicate and respect each other’s boundaries and to understand that stereotypes do not define people, especially with the untrue stigma that all guys who wear letters are ‘players’ or ‘cheaters’. When in reality it’s all about the guy on an individual level, then the extracurriculars they’re involved in, trust me.
Instead of feeling insecure, it is essential to feel secure and trust the person you’re with. The lesson here is that all healthy relationships (platonic and romantic) require trust and honesty.
Who You Surround Yourself With Matters
One of the key things I noticed throughout the relationship is just how much fraternity guys care about their brothers, as they all come together to create the chapter. All of them seemed to genuinely show a deep care for one another and live by their house values.
This also meant that because I was with one, all of them had my back at events, which helped me explore my school’s social scene in a way that made me feel safer and more comfortable. Even now, I know if something were to happen, I can always turn to them.
This made me reevaluate who I surround myself with, as it not only directly impacts my reputation, but I also realized that I want to be friends with like-minded people who share similar values, and prioritize friendships in a foundation of mutual support and respect, whether that be your team, sorority, or another club, or just your friend group.
Know What You Want
Like all relationships, even after you’ve moved on, it’s important to realize what you learned about yourself and what you learned about what you want in relationships. It helps reinforce your priorities based on what worked and helps centralize what values you’re looking for, to help create better decisions about who you spend your time with. I noticed after my fair share of breakups that it continues to make future connections healthier and more fulfilling.
In my case, I love going out and having fun and making each other laugh, but I also appreciate deep, meaningful conversations. And well, opposites attract is a popular romance trope; it is still necessary to share a few similar hobbies and pastimes, and having a similar perspective on pressing social issues is vital.
If you’re thinking of starting a relationship or talking to a frat guy of your own, my advice is to spend quality time together away from the fraternity scene as well and to go on other dates not just fraternity functions, whether that’s going out to dinner or spending quality alone time doing whatever you two enjoy, like watching a movie or going on an adventure.
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from all my advice, it’s this: it really doesn’t matter if someone’s in a fraternity or not; if he’s the right guy for you, chances are he’ll make a great boyfriend. Really, it’s less about “what frat are you in?” and more about “do we click?”
Greek letters don’t spell out a relationship; however, values, trust, how you feel around them, and if they align with your values, do! So, whether you end up dating a backwards-hat-wearing dice-throwing fraternity boy or someone who’s completely out of your usual circle, the lesson stays the same: be open-minded, step out of your comfort zone, trust yourself, surround yourself with those who matter, and set boundaries.
At the end of the day, every relationship teaches you something that sticks long after the party’s over.