There was a time in my life when I used to check my bank account before buying things. That version of me is gone. She was cautious, responsible, and honestly a little dramatic. Now? I live by a much different mindset: “It’s fine, I deserve this.” This phrase has single-handedly destroyed my financial stability.
It’s not just matcha, it’s a lifestyle
It starts small. It always does. No one wakes up and decides to ruin their bank account overnight. It begins with something innocent, like a $6 matcha or coffee. And before anyone says anything, yes, $6 is a lot, but also… it’s not just a drink. It’s a personality. It’s self-care. It’s aesthetic. And it’s green, which basically makes it a healthy decision.
So obviously, I deserve it.
Then it becomes routine. Suddenly, I’m not getting matcha because I’m craving it, I’m getting it because I need it. Because what am I supposed to do, go to class without my emotional support drink? That feels unsafe.
Girl math has entered the chat
This is where things really spiral.
If I’m having a bad day, I deserve a treat.
If I’m having a good day, I deserve an award.
If I did absolutely nothing? Surviving in college is hard. I deserve something for that too.
At some point, I also convinced myself that spending money is actually saving money. For example, If I buy a $30 top that I will wear “all the time,” it’s basically free when you divide it by the times I plan to wear it. Have I worn it yet? No. But that’s not the point. The point is potential.
And don’t even get me started on “just one thing” shopping trips. I walk into Target for toothpaste. That’s it, toothpaste. Five minutes max. Forty minutes later, I’m leaving with a candle, a tote bag, new makeup, a random skincare product I saw one girl use on TikTok, and somehow I still forget about the toothpaste. The next minute, I’m calling my dad, complaining about how broke I am. But it’s fine, I tell him I believe I deserved it.
Everything is a “little treat” now
Somewhere along the way, I developed the ability to justify anything if I frame it correctly. Buying food out? I’m supporting local businesses. Online shopping? I’m investing in my happiness. Another matcha? I’m maintaining emotional stability. Paying with cash? It doesn’t count because I don’t see the damage in my bank account.
What’s even funnier is that I’ll spend money like this all week and then suddenly become extremely responsible when it comes to actual necessities. Groceries? Too expensive. Textbook? I’ll find a PDF. But a hoodie I saw once and haven’t stopped thinking about? Immediately purchased with no hesitation whatsoever. Because, priorities.
I think the real issue is that everything feels like a “little treat.” And when everything is a little treat, nothing is little anymore. It’s just expensive.
But also, life is stressful. College is exhausting. Existing in general is a full-time job, especially being a girl. So if a $6 matcha or a random purchase gives me five minutes of happiness, who am I to deny myself that?
Final thoughts (that i will ignore tomorrow)
So yes, maybe I didn’t realize how expensive life was until I started saying, “It’s fine, I deserve this.” But also… I stand by it. Will I keep spending money on things I don’t need? Probably. Will I regret it later? Also probably.
Will I say my favorite phrase the next time I order another matcha? Absolutely.
Note: Do your bank account a favor and don’t read this again.