During the first semester of my freshman year, practically every night ended with Sex and the City largely projected on my friends’ twin XL bedsheet makeshift theatre screen. As I binged the show, I quickly learned I was the holder of an unpopular opinion; I was obsessed with Carrie Bradshaw. I had known going into season one that Carrie had received plenty of backlash since her debut in 1998, but I could not follow the Monolo-hating crowd. Perhaps I was entranced by Sarah Jessica Parker’s beauty, Carrie’s golden curls, her witty personality and remarkable career, or most of all, her embodiment of the complex female character.Â
Carrie Bradshaw is far from perfect, but isn’t that what makes her memorable? Her most frequently referred-to flaws consist of her selfishness and neglect of friendships for the infamous Mr. Big. While these qualities are frowned upon, they are certainly not suited for the endless hate being sent towards the young woman. And in my opinion, that is the true source of the majority of this targeted disdain: Carrie’s gender. Female characters who present complexities that provide entertainment but evoke annoyance are often those that are most frowned upon.
In an interview with HuffPost UK, Sarah Jessica Parker commented, “It’s always interesting to me that [Carrie is] so condemned, but a male lead on a show can be a murderer, and people love him.” The double standards are more than apparent, but what fuels them? It’s easy to assume why male viewers may be turned away from her; most can’t understand her emotions and do not know what it would be like to be a woman in her thirties (A.K.A the target audience of Sex and the City).Â
Sex and the City is a show created for women, displaying memorable female friendships, strong and inspirational careers, and the cruel reality of dating in your thirties. And yet, the main character of a show so beloved by women is hated by women. I constantly hear and see people admit that they see themselves in Carrie. In the age of situationships, I began to wonder (familiar?) why Carrie was so unworthy of empathy, as women across the world are suffering from their own version of Mr. Big.Â
Yes, Carrie makes immature and less than kind choices (for example, cheating on Aiden); however, I don’t believe it is uncommon for us to find ourselves in situations we soon regret for less than deserving means. Carrie’s actions are frustrating, but there are so many moments that show she is more than her mistakes, and so are all of the show’s viewers.Â
Some of my favorite episodes consist of Carrie supporting and standing up for her closest friends, like when she defended Charlotte at her relationship seminar and how she comforted Miranda after her mother’s death. It is obvious throughout the show that the women see Carrie as a shoulder to lean on and ultimately wish the best for her. Their friendship stood out to me the most during the finale of season 6, “An American Girl in Paris: Part Deux”, when Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte knew that Paris was not right for Carrie and she needed to come home for her own good.Â
The women of Sex and the City went through a lot together: cancer treatments, pregnancies and miscarriages, failed marriages and relationships, and men like Richard Wright and Jack Berger. Female friendships are built on the unforgettable experiences we go through together, and maybe there are misunderstandings and arguments, but doesn’t that just strengthen the connection? Carrie Bradshaw is not flawless, but who is? The abundance of traits she displays can be recognised by any viewer of the show, even if it’s not something we’d like to see within ourselves.Â
I believe acknowledging the extreme dislike of characters like Carrie is possibly in poor taste, but it is the first step for women to begin forgiving themselves. Carrie is a reminder that we are all human, we all have felt ashamed, regretful, and maybe irresponsible in our lives, but that doesn’t take away from our loyalty, intelligence, determination, and independence. We all deserve a little grace, and I believe Carrie Bradshaw does, too.
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