Now that spring is finally here and the weather has turned from the negatives to the positives, it means that summer is fast approaching. While in the past I would’ve loved summer; the break from school, the anticipatory feeling of going out with my friends and brushing life’s woes and difficulties aside for another 4 months, this summer is going to feel a little different. There doesn’t seem to be enough time to hold on to that carefree feeling anymore, and the weight of what’s ahead makes it harder to enjoy what used to come so easily. This is the summer where I make the biggest step forward towards my career and I need to do well…otherwise what?
When did my summers become less about relaxation and more about being a continuation of the school year? Although it may be a naive thought, I often find myself wishing I could go back to being younger, when life’s troubles were things I could simply brush aside. When my hardest decisions were picking a freezie flavour to commit to, not a life path. Back then, time felt slower, and responsibilities didn’t linger in the back of my mind. Now, even in moments that are supposed to feel free, there’s always something waiting; something unfinished, something ahead, something silently judging me from my to-do list.
I had this conversation with my Mom once, where she told me that most people my age jump at the chance for responsibility, a chance to step out into the “real world”. “You are a fish who only sees the world from your place underwater, never seeing the surface beyond that”, she told me. And I understood what she meant. There’s something appealing about being in control of your own life, making your own choices, and not feeling confined by schedules or expectations set by someone else. That’s an experience that I have now, living on my own in university.Â
But at the same time, I couldn’t fully relate to the feeling of excitement. While others seem overjoyed to move forward, part of me feels like I’m still holding on to what’s behind me. Somewhere along the way I lost the feeling of simplicity that once made everything feel lighter. The summers that used to feel endless now seem shorter, filled with obligations, plans, and the pressure of what comes next. I lost my feeling of excitement for summer, one that I am still struggling to get back.
Maybe it’s just part of getting older. The shift from excitement to uncertainty, from carefree days to constant awareness of time, and the sudden need to have a five-year plan when I can barely plan my weekend. Still, I can’t help but wonder when exactly that change happened, and why it feels like something I didn’t even notice slipping away until it was already gone.
So maybe this summer won’t be what it used to be. Maybe it will be filled with stress and uncertainty, with long days spent thinking about the future. But maybe that doesn’t mean the feeling is gone forever. Maybe it just looks different now. It might still exist in summer sunsets, in brief laughter with friends, in the rare times I let myself pause instead of rushing ahead. And maybe learning how to find those moments again, even if they’re smaller and slightly more scheduled, is just another part of growing up.
