Outgrowing People In College Is Normal: Here’s Why

There’s a moment in college when you notice you’ve outgrown parts of your life, and sometimes, it might be a person. There’s no big fight or something that goes horribly wrong; something just feels different. 

College is a place where you discover parts of yourself, and you grow and change. While you’re going through these changes, your friends may remain stagnant, and you start to drift apart.

It can be unsettling and may lack a sense of closure. Someone who was your best friend slowly turns into a stranger, and you can’t quite figure out why. You may rack your brain on what happened, but are unable to come up with an answer. 

College is labeled as a place where you find your people, your friends that you’ll have for the rest of your life. But no one talks about the friendships that you lose there as well.  

Friendships form fast when you first arrive on campus. You bond over similarities, and it gives you a sense of comfort. You may be in the same class, live in the same dorm building or have the same major. 

These connections are real, but they’re made when everyone is still finding themselves. You realize that you stop going to the dining hall together every night and stop talking as much.

As semesters pass and you get involved in more things, your priorities start to shift. You get busier and don’t have as much time as you used to. You start being more intentional with the people you spend your time with.

It’s different for everyone. Some may start to feel conversations being forced or simply not laughing as easily together. You start to realize you’re on different paths. 

This isn’t a bad thing. You’re evolving and becoming a better version of yourself. Don’t halt your growth to please other people. 

There’s pressure in college to make as many friendships as you can and keep them. But in order to grow, change needs to happen. Not everyone is meant to mesh with every version of you. 

Remember, that doesn’t make you a bad friend. It’s healthy to prioritize yourself. 

It may feel uncomfortable at first to create distance. You may feel guilt or loneliness. But this allows you to make friends who align with who you are now.

This also doesn’t mean you can’t try to fix it. Your friendship doesn’t have to end; you may simply need to take a step back. 

Everyone’s different. A solution that worked for you may not work for another. You have to figure out what is best for you. 

Don’t let these changes weigh on your conscience. Embrace them and learn from new experiences. You might be able to help someone else out one day. 

Outgrowing people is a natural part of life. In college, it may feel more chaotic because everyone is going through life changes. 

If you feel like you’re drifting apart from certain friendships this semester, you’re not alone. You’re not doing anything wrong. 

Growth means moving forward, even if not everyone comes with you.

• college
• friendship
• growth