“And since we all came from a woman / Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman/ I wonder why we take from our women / Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?”
That’s what Tupac Shakur said in 1993, in his song “Keep Ya Head Up”. But the question the singer asked is still vitally necessary and quietly ignored: Do we hate our women?
THE ROOTS OF A MUCH BIGGER ISSUE
There is this concept hovering over us, a tricky thing called misogyny. It refers to hatred towards women simply because they are women. Even though it may sound absurd, I assure you it is the most common practice.
The subtlety of an ingrained prejudice is exactly what makes it so hard to combat and, honestly, even to understand. For decades, philosophers and scholars have been trying to decode its origins, as Simone de Beauvoir did in her renowned book The Second Sex.
The mistake often made is to believe that misogyny is innate, that we are born wired in this way, that men act aggressively towards women because that is their nature. This is what allows the practice to perpetuate, because if something is thought to be instinctive, it cannot be fought.
However, Simone came to clarify some ideas that were confusing to many of us. To the French writer, men consider themselves superior due to a constructed social, cultural, and historical system that places them as the “Subject” (the absolute, essential human) and women as the “Other” (the inessential, objectified, and secondary being). Through these lenses, a woman is not a unique being, but the lack of a man.
Men left women with no voice, no freedom of choice, and drained their bravery to speak up. Well, but not forever.
WHEN DID MEN START THINKING THEY HAVE THE POWER?
We live in a patriarchal society, a system where men hold primary power, moral authority, social privilege, and control of property.
Gerda Lerner, a women’s history author, argues that male oppression was institutionalized through the sexual and reproductive control of women, making them economically and socially dependent on men.
The State, religion, and family institution incorporated such behavior, leaving women subordinate to men (who could be their fathers, husbands, or brothers. But without any of them, they were nothing. The confinement of women to domestic and reproductive spheres was romanticized and legitimized by these systems, making subordination a social convenience.
These narratives resulted in symbolic violence, a subtle way of repression that shapes the imagination. And exactly because it became something so rooted, it was easier to believe that this relationship of inferiority is natural, the true destiny for the sexes. This structure conceals inequality in the social structure, as a study by the University of the State of Amazonas proved.
By praising women as fragile, dangerous, and inferior, machismo (the belief in male superiority) is internalized in the collective imagination.
HOW THE MEDIA HELPS PERPETUATE MISOGYNY
Men took over the symbolic system. In other words, they dominated religion, art, and literature. With such hegemony, women were convinced of their inferiority, depriving them of their own history and autonomy.
Living in a society filled with screens, it is impossible to deny the media’s influence on us. Cinema, for example, has been, for decades, a mirror of its time but also a channel for spreading ideas and shaping how we perceive the world.
From Mean Girls to Cinderella, we implicitly learn that women should be put one against the other, battling to see who is the best. And, of course, in the end, as long as you have a pure heart and a pretty face, the love of your life will appear and fulfill all your dreams.
The Devil Wears Prada shows us that women in power are seen as hags, bossy, and terribly mean. And will end unhappy and unsatisfied, because this world isn’t made for ambitious girls.
What we watch has the power to stay ingrained in our minds, resonating when we least expect it. Let’s take, as an example, The Wolf of Wall Street. Even though it may aim to be a critique, its aesthetic glamorizes excess and paints women as an extension of men’s success. They are almost entirely reduced to their bodies, extremely sexualized. And this, intentionally or not, keeps on spreading female objectification.
The man is portrayed as the hero, the savior, the brave, the protagonist. His actions are understood. His mistakes are forgiven. His rudeness is taken as a “personality trait”. Now, a woman? Oh no, she is out of control, crazy, obsessed.
As if it’s already not enough, social media has allowed a culture of toxic masculinity to grow absurdly. Communities, such as the “incels”, “redpills” or the “manosphere” reinforce a behavior of extreme aggression towards women.
Following the idea that the internet is a land with no rules, some men have been encouraged to let the worst parts of themselves shine through the lights of their screens. They blame women for their insecurities and dissatisfaction, and are applauded still.
According to a United Nations research, 73% of women online have been exposed to online abuse, ranging from sexist memes to death threats. The same report shows that women are 27 times more likely to experience online harassment than men.
BOYS DON’T CRY
There is one more social pillar that we can’t ignore: the emotional deprivation of boyhood. Boys are denied the right to feel.
Remember Simone de Beauvoir? According to her theory, as women are perceived as inferior, men want no resemblance to them. Throughout time, “girly aspects” became synonymous with pejorative characteristics. Therefore, as femininity is associated with emotionality, masculinity is understood as the opposite of vulnerability.
What people pretend not to know is that “to feel” is innately human. Everyone has emotions, regardless of their gender. So, when boys are forbidden to show their feelings, they begin to hate those who can openly express them.
Expressing yourself is correlated with girls. So, it doesn’t really matter what a boy wants. He will repress his feelings because worse than not being free is being a woman.
IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO?
George Chesterton, a writer for GQ Magazine UK, says that sexism is “classless, international and transhistorical”. All over the world, women are subjugated by men who think too much of themselves.
But it is interesting how learned this practice is. In 2014, an ad by the feminine hygiene brand Always was launched. It revolves around a series of interviews with girls and boys from an age gap, questioning what they understand from the sentence: “run like a girl”.
When teenage girls and boys are asked, they show that running like a girl is laughing while not properly jogging anywhere. Now, when little girls are asked the same thing, they just run as fast as they can. Focused. Determined. Fearless.
They see no distinction between genders. Running is just running. No one is more capable, more appropriate, or more certain. Anyone can do it. The oldest have already been corrupted by misogyny. Femininity is associated with weakness. And they think it’s normal, simply the way it is.
According to Adam Jukes, a writer and therapist who specializes in treating men who abuse women, “masculinity is not in a state of crisis. Masculinity is a crisis. I don’t believe misogyny is innate, but I believe it’s inescapable because of the development of masculinity.”
WHAT ABOUT THE HATE?
Tupac asked, and now we are capable of answering: yes, we hate our women. We disrespect them, hurt them, rape them, and kill them.
Over 370 million women have been subjected to some form of sexual assault as children worldwide, according to UNICEF. A UN study showed that every 10 minutes, a woman is killed. Levels of feminicide -intentional murder of women due to their gender- grow exponentially every day. If this came anywhere near respect or valorization, not so much harm would be caused.
But, even though already ingrained, if prejudice is learnt, it can be deconstructed. Women are capable. Powerful. Intelligent. Equal. It’s long past time that misogyny can be seen as acceptable. Obviously, it’s not easy to change the way the world is used to thinking, but while women are being silenced and killed, we must fight.
So, let’s all fight like a girl.