Relationships are a special part of life. Whether it be a friendship, familial, or romantic, relationships impact our lives in ways we don’t often realize until much later. Unfortunately, not every relationship is built to last forever.
About a month ago, I went through a breakup. It was unexpected and brought up a lot of complicated feelings. Feelings of “what could I have done better?” or “what if I hadn’t said this?” The first few days were hard, but I have been managing pretty well. In order to survive a break-up, here are some things I did to make myself feel even just the slightest bit better.Â
- Surround Yourself with Friends
Probably one of the most essential elements to getting over heartbreak. Almost immediately after the breakup, my best friends/roommates were there for me every time I needed to cry or vent or be angry. They drove me to drop off his things, bought me ice cream and self-care items, and would give me hugs and assure me that everything I was feeling was normal. One of my roommates had gone through a breakup a few months before mine, so she offered a lot of advice that helped me.Â
I also spent a lot of time with my friends who I hadn’t spent time with because of the relationship. I went out for lunch, dinner, coffee, you name it. Being able to strengthen friendships I had neglected was one of the best ways I got through my sadness. They all offered great advice and helped me through the most difficult and vulnerable part of my life.
- Solo Dates
Taking myself and showing myself some love was another important step in my healing process. Even before the breakup, I always enjoyed going places by myself. There’s something so nice about being on your own, doing only things you enjoy, listening and singing to whatever music you want, and spending time with your own thoughts.
The Wednesday after it happened, I took myself to see a movie. Specifically, a movie I had wanted to see, but didn’t interest my ex-boyfriend. Being able to enjoy the movie on my own with my popcorn and favorite soda was a little scary at first, but I still had a good time. The movie was enjoyable, and even if it was a little lonely (and left the theater crying), I’m still proud of myself for making the step to give myself a little love.
- Retail TherapyÂ
Unfortunately, I love to shop. And when you’re feeling sad, sometimes you have to spend some money. While I am trying to save some money, I found a few ways to get something that made me feel happy. A coffee, a new body care item I wanted to try, or a little trinket that made me smile. Sometimes a small $5 purchase can be enough to make your day a tad bit brighter.
- Working Out
Keeping my body active has been a goal of mine since freshman year of college. I enjoy moving in ways that make me feel good, and I was getting really consistent in the gym even before my breakup. Going to the gym helped clear my mind a lot of the time. When I was feeling sad, I would literally just throw on some sneakers and strut to happy music on the treadmill. Keeping myself active and busy helped a lot with the early stages of stress after a breakup. It gave me time to think, but also keep myself feeling physically good too. Which led me to feeling mentally better too.
- Hobbies and Interests
In a relationship, it can be hard to balance another person while also managing the things you want to do on your own. Unfortunately, I didn’t always balance the two, and left a lot of things I enjoyed to the side.Â
Since becoming single, I’ve been able to get back into the things I enjoy. I’ve started drawing again. I’m not good at it, but it feels nice to put something on paper and say, “I did this.” I started writing, watching the shows I wanted to watch, and getting back into fandoms I enjoyed but hadn’t been able to fully express because of the relationship. Being able to fully immerse myself back into things I enjoyed to watch, read, or learn about brought me a lot of comfort in a vulnerable time.
- Being Kind to Yourself
Sometimes, no matter what fun thing I would buy, or cute drawing I would make, or time spent at the gym, nothing could quell the sadness inside of me. I could be smiling, having fun one minute, and right back to crying in bed the next. Being gentle and calm with myself when having these big feelings was hard, but ultimately, the longest relationship you will ever have in your life is the one with yourself. Loving yourself, especially during a time when I was blaming myself for the end of my relationship, was insanely hard, but I pushed through. I would remind myself that I was the one getting myself out of bed every day. I knew my favorite color, what desserts I liked, the songs that made me smile, and the ones that made me cry. How could I not love the person who knew the most about me? Forming a strong relationship with myself, and remembering the worth I hold as an individual, not as a girlfriend, gave me some of the most strength to get out of bed on the worst days.
Breakups are hard no matter what you do. They take a lot of time and healing. The process won’t be the same for everyone, and there are plenty of ups and downs. You can go from being a happy single girl one minute, and crying over not being able to send them a picture of a meme you saw the next. It takes a lot of strength, support, and care for yourself to begin the healing process. But you will. Take some deep breaths, go do something you enjoy, and remember that one day, all of it is going to be okay.