Be ambitious, not intimidating.
Be confident, but not full of yourself.
Effortless, but perfect at the same time.
At some point, being a woman turned into a lifelong performance, not just an identity.
When the Barbie movie came out, it wasn’t another drive-in summer flick. This was a movie we had seen before, one that was oddly familiar and uncomfortable.
Somewhere between the vibrant colors and expressive satire, the film stopped being about a doll and started feeling like a reflection. And in a single, two-and-a-half-minute scene, America Ferrera put into words what millions of women have been feeling for decades.
The monologue begins like this: “It is literally impossible to be a woman.” Suddenly, everything you have ever been told about how to act, what to say, what to wear, every unspoken rule we have to follow was laid out before us in less than three minutes.
She goes on to say, “You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean.” “You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.” “You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.”
Watching that scene and listening to the emotion put into it makes it near impossible not to feel seen, but also somehow exposed.
These pressures did not appear overnight. They have been shaping the lives of women for generations.  They were present for those women who fought for the right to vote, those breaking the glass ceiling in classrooms, courtrooms, boardrooms, and those “everyday” women who are balancing the weight of family, work, and the burden of society’s impossible expectations.
These contradictions she names have always been there. The difference now is that we are talking about them and confronting them. We are confronting the fact that there are unreasonable standards that only women have to meet.
Women have been performing a role for decades that doesn’t exist. The most honest thing we can do? Stop performing, stop playing into these contradictory standards and just come as we are.
I’ll leave you with this:
“I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.”