Musical Beginnings
My fascination with the world of rock and roll began at an early age all thanks to my dad, the heavy metal enthusiast. He instilled in me a great love of music and helped me find empowerment along with it. My favorite singer as a kid wasn’t Justin Bieber (no hate to the Beliebers). Instead, I was crazy about female rockers: Ann and Nancy Wilson, Joan Jett, and Pat Benatar. They were my ladies of the ’80s and possibly my first idols, besides my mom. Hint: my musical journey doesn’t end here.
The Grunge Rabbit Hole
If you know me at all, then you know of my current obsession with ’90s alternative rock. I guess it truly took off a few months ago. Well, that and a minor crush on a young Eddie Vedder (you can’t be pretty and talented, okay?) Here I was, a cup of tea in hand and The Chronicles of Narnia movie blaring in the background. In the midst of this childhood nostalgia, my brother’s girlfriend and I started talking about Courtney Love. A conversation which sent me spiraling down the rabbit hole of all things grunge.
If you don’t know who Courtney Love is, ask your Gen X parents. Warning: strong opinions and theories may follow. Many remember her best as the widow of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, and the lead singer of Hole. Known for her unfiltered personality, piercing vocals, and well-documented struggles with addiction, she has cemented her place as one of the most controversial women in rock and roll history. But as I’ve discovered, her music is pretty good.
Discovering Auf der Maur
Beyond the hit single Celebrity Skin, Hole‘s discography captures the edge, honesty, and quite frankly, rage that young women yearn for (see Doll Parts), certainly, myself. So imagine my excitement when I learned that Hole‘s bassist, Melissa Auf der Maur would be releasing a memoir on March 17th. A memoir conveniently focused on my latest special interest, ’90s rock. I had to learn more.
Into the fire
Even The Good Girls Will Cry chronicles Auf der Maur’s musical journey and search for identity within a male-dominated genre. The story begins in Montreal, featuring a Bohemian upbringing inspired by her free-spirited, feminist mother. This later inspired her own independence.
As a young adult, Auf der Maur sold tickets and DJ’ed, fully immersed in Montreal’s live music scene. On a chance encounter in a club, she befriended Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins. Thanks to her critical roommate and a broken beer bottle, she would go on to join the Pumpkins nearly a decade later. Just wait, it gets even crazier.
Following the loss of Hole‘s original bassist, Kristen Pfaff, Courtney Love was in search of new talent. Luckily, Billy Corgan (also Love’s ex-boyfriend) recommended Auf der Maur for Hole‘s upcoming tour. An opportunity she initially wanted no part of.
In the wake of Cobain and Pfaff’s deaths, the band seemed like an emotional dumpster fire. One confrontational phone call and a plane ticket later, she was engulfed by those very flames. Melissa Auf der Maur became the new bassist of Hole.
Rock N’ roller coaster
Fasten your seatbelts, folks. What came next can only be described as a rock and roll fever dream. For the next five years, Auf der Maur embarked on a whirlwind journey with Hole. And rest assured, she doesn’t gloss over details. My jaw was on the floor more than once. At times, the band is the picture of dysfunction. There’s addiction, heartache, and the pressures of growing fame. I was unsure whether to laugh or cry when the group attends a therapy session together.
Despite the drama, the band reached its peak in 1998, following the release of certified-platinum album Celebrity Skin (absolute banger). Auf der Maur, however, longed for something real and grounded in the face of stardom. Understandably so. As artistic burnout became reality, she was drawn to behind-the-scenes photography, a dependable creative outlet. The photos depict a true love letter to the ’90s.
Even The Good Girls Will Cry is self-aware. Auf der Maur acknowledges that Hole is forever shadowed by its own reputation. But more than that, it becomes her tale of self-identity. In the grunge world of boys in flannels, Auf der Maur makes space for women who challenge the status quo. Little me would be very proud.