When I started college, I entered as a sophomore because I had taken so many college classes in high school. Since my senior year, I’ve been working toward this degree—early childhood education—for about three years now. And honestly, that’s a long time to be pouring yourself into something.
I’ve loved a lot of it. I still do. But lately, it’s been harder to find that same excitement and joy I started with. I’m overwhelmed, stressed, and carrying a workload that feels heavier than I expected. And that stress has a way of clouding something that’s supposed to feel meaningful and fulfilling.
For context, I’m a triple certification major—early childhood, young childhood, and special education—with a concentration in English (which I still genuinely love). This semester, I started Clinical Block 1, which is known for being intense. I knew it would be hard, and I accepted that. What I didn’t expect was how much it would make me question everything.
But maybe that’s the point.
Maybe this isn’t me failing or losing passion—maybe it’s me growing into someone who’s thinking more deeply about what she wants.
Because the truth is, I do want more. I love teaching, but I’m starting to realize I might not want it to be my forever in the way I once imagined. And instead of seeing that as a problem, I’m trying to see it as awareness. As honesty. As me giving myself permission to explore.
I’ve caught myself asking a lot of big questions lately:
Is this what I really want long-term?
Will this feel different when I have my own classroom?
Am I enjoying this, or am I just trying to convince myself I am?
And while those questions feel heavy, they also mean I care. They mean I’m not settling.
I’ve started looking into other options—things I could add on, paths I could explore without completely starting over. I haven’t figured it out yet, and that’s been frustrating. Everyone says I have time, and while it doesn’t always feel like it, I’m trying to trust that I have enough time to figure out what matters.
Because here’s what I know:
I want a career I feel passionate about.
I want something that excites me, something I can talk about with energy and pride.
I want to make a real, positive difference in people’s lives.
And maybe teaching is part of that. Maybe it’s the whole thing. Or maybe it’s just one piece of a bigger path I haven’t fully discovered yet.
So no, I’m not going to “fake it till I make it.”
I’m going to feel it while I figure it out.
Right now, I’m learning that it’s okay to want more. It’s okay to outgrow the version of a plan you made at 17. It’s okay to love something and still question if it’s enough for you.
This week, I’m choosing to see my doubt differently—not as something that’s pulling me away from my path, but as something that’s helping me refine it. I don’t have all the answers yet—but I do have faith that I’ll find my way to something I love. And for now, that’s enough.