Overcoming My Fear Of Growing Old

“Aging is not for the faint of heart,” said Meryl Streep. She is not wrong. Recently, I have been trying to grapple with my fear of getting older. By getting older, I mean both in the short term (graduating college and becoming a real adult) and the long term (getting older in general). Although I am not entirely sure where this fear began, I am choosing to blame the media. Youth, and looking youthful, is relevant, ubiquitous, and sought after by celebrities and influencers.  

Like all things related to the media, it can be easy to go with the mainstream messaging and never stop to question it. However, it began to seem ridiculous to fear entire time periods of my life. I look to my grandma for inspiration. My grandma traveled more between the ages of 60 and 80 than she did in the decades before she got “old.” She lives in a community she loves, sees her family constantly, and spends most of her time doing exactly what she wants. There is absolutely nothing boring about her life. 

I have been told by many people, “It’s all downhill from here” after graduation. I have had a gnawing worry that college really will be the best four years of my life; that I have already peaked. There are certainly unique things about college that cannot necessarily be replicated later down the line. On the flip side, there are great things that come with being out of college. 

I am excited to have my own apartment, to decorate however I wish and not fight with anyone about whose turn it is to clean the bathroom. I am excited to have a cat, a queen-sized bed, and my own bedroom. After college, I get to pick where I want to live and who I live with. I can travel whenever I want during the year. I will be living in one place consistently, rather than switching from house to house and also going home for the summer. 

I was discussing this very topic with my dad. He enjoyed college, but it was definitely not the best four years of his life. It was a carefree time, where he could explore who he was and what he wanted to be. He lived without any real responsibilities or commitments. However, he often felt like he had to behave a certain way as a college student. Go to class, go to parties, see your friends, etc. It is fun, but also limiting. 

Yet, as he got older, the thing that ended up being more fulfilling was getting to live as the person he spent his college years deciding he wanted to be. Although it was great to have no commitments, your world expands after college in a way that is even more freeing. My dad, while he grieves every era that passes, he tries to appreciate every new era for what it has, and what it provides to him, including aging. College was great, but being a father is even better. 

There will always be things you have to give up when moving from one phase of life to another. However, there is always something to be gained too. It is easy to focus on all the things that are ending, rather than the things that are just beginning. 

Now the bigger hurdle to jump. The fear of aging, generally. I suppose this fear started first with the fear of looking old. All the adult women I was around growing up religiously applied make-up in the morning and anti-aging creams at night. TikTok shoves ads for anti-aging tools down my throat, telling me that using special straws will prevent me from forming smile lines around my mouth. 

My body will change. I see it changing each year. However, the most important aspect of my body is the physical advantages it provides me. The most important function of my body is allowing me to do all the physical activities I want. I have quite a long time until my body begins to deteriorate, and even then, I will still be able to do 90% of the activities I do now, besides some of the most extreme stuff. 

I am lucky that one of my biggest fears is growing old. What a blessing it is to live a long and healthy life, one that allows me to enter old age. I have also come to realize that age is really what you make of it. There are plenty of elderly people who are in better shape than I am. There is nothing that has to change about my lifestyle or personality.

I feel wiser each year. I feel I know myself better each year too. If this pattern continues, I look forward to everything I will come to know as I age. There is a lot of uncertainty in life now. I am actually looking forward to the idea of being settled in a place and an identity. 

I don’t think overcoming my fear of aging will ever fully be accomplished. However, I want to at least try and question the narratives I am told about aging. There is so much good to look forward to as I enter adulthood. And there is no point in dreading something that will happen regardless. The best thing I can do is just embrace it.

• #adulthood
• #aging
• #graduation