If there’s one thing I think many girls have wished for, it’s the ability to get inside the mind of a man. I can’t count the number of times I have been overwhelmed by the question: “What is he thinking?”
When it comes to the talking stage, we are somehow expected to become mind readers, decoding mixed signals and understanding someone who won’t even show an ounce of emotion.
Even beyond the talking stage and relationships, it can be hard to understand what men are really thinking. Do they have deep thoughts and emotions? Do they think about girls the same way we think about them?
The more I sat with those questions, the more I wondered about why I am just wondering about it instead of asking. So, that’s exactly what I decided to do.
My roommate has always valued strong friendships with men, so when we got to college, she quickly formed a friend group of six guys. She is especially close to three of them, and they spend a lot of time at our apartment. After countless conversations with them about relationships, future plans and life in general, I realized they might be my best chance at getting the answers I have been looking for.
Every Monday, State College’s student store, McLanahan’s, hosts Meatball Monday, offering meatball subs at a discounted price. It has become tradition that while my roommate goes to her next class, her friends come to our apartment with their subs to eat and hang out.
I decided it was the perfect opportunity to start asking my questions. Here’s what I learned.
Men Are human
Men are human. Shocking, I know. But it’s true.
They overthink, get nervous and have insecurities, just like us. In my conversations with them, they shared things I have never heard a guy admit. Some talked about a girl they really liked but thought was out of reach. Others opened up about insecurities with their looks.
Simply listening to them helped me realize that not all men are confident or emotionally detached.
directness goes a long way
We often complain that guys are confusing and impossible to read. But guess what? Sometimes they feel the same way about us.
Men value honesty just as much as women do. When I asked them what turns them off, they all agreed that being cryptic is a major turn-off. It made me realize that sometimes, by overanalyzing everything, we can end up being the confusing ones.
Quietness can be Interpreted as disinterest
As someone who is usually shy around men, this was something I needed to hear.
When you stay reserved and don’t say much, guys can actually feel more vulnerable, assuming you are not interested. If you like a guy, it’s better to be yourself and engage in conversation. Being genuine goes a long way.
Men Think about the future
Even if they don’t always say it, men understand that they will have to grow up at some point.
They know they can’t be carefree fraternity men forever, and that they do have to someday get a job, help provide for a family and step into adulthood. In our conversations, they all expressed their desire to get married, where they hope to live and how many kids they might have.
Even if some aren’t ready to share those thoughts yet, it’s often just a matter of time and maturity. Either way, those thoughts do sit in the back of their minds.
At the end of the day, this conversation reminded me that men are just people. Understanding them isn’t about reading their minds; it’s about allowing them to be themselves.
Maybe if we start seeing men as more relatable than we think and stop trying to decode every small action, we won’t feel the need to constantly ask: “What is he thinking?”