Between the rise of tradewives and the ever-present presence of TERFs giving a bad name to Christianity (and religion in general) and/or the feminist movement, there has also been, here and there, a steady stream of Christian ladies bemoaning (and even men acknowledging, for better or worse) the lack of unsaddled Christian men with the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual maturity for a relationship.
Perhaps they’re asking too much, though. Non-religious females are already demanding their male counterparts show emotional, mental, and physical ability, after all. To demand spiritual maturity on top of all that? Can they really handle that pressure?
The DCU Bulletin released a Valentine’s Day piece about Christian single men and their opinion on dating, asking them what they thought of it and some of its demands. And so, in the spirit of White Day, a holiday in East Asia where men give back women the gifts they gave them on Valentine’s, Her Campus offers a reciprocal piece. Here, I ask young, single, Christian women what they think about dating and the dating pool, wondering if Dublin’s single Christian ladies reflect the attitudes found on social media.
For starters, Nyasha Jamison, an 18-year-old medicinal chemistry student at TUD and member of Jamestown Road Baptist Church, did admit to struggling to find a good man.
“[Their] intention at the start would be real nice,” she quoted herself from a conversation she’d had with a friend. “They would present themselves as a man of God and this and that. And then quickly, you would find out that’s not really their intentions… and they want other things.”
Perhaps those “other things” are not a cause for alarm to a non-Christian, but to a Christian woman of any age, this would be pushing their boundaries and limits. This is something most consent lectures have drilled in as illegal and that many young Christian women find equally as off-putting.
For Nyasha, she’s content with singleness, though there’s no fear of being single forever.
“It depends more on finding the right kind of man. That’s what I feel.”
It may be hard to see friends dating, but for her personally, “the best thing was finding my contentment and my happiness and my peace in Jesus.” And to be honest, Christians, she feels, “can almost idolize the idea of marriage.”
Dating is more of a modern thing to her, but she strongly feels that “there’s nothing wrong with it if your intentions are correct.”
The consensus among the DCU Christian Union women spoken to at March 3rd’s CU meeting about relationships aligned with Nyasha’s thoughts on dating.
“Well, I think God definitely has a design for marriage,” Charis Tomb, a second-year Intellectual Disability Nursing student and the CU’s VP and Secretary, mused. Marriage is a good thing God has made and “dating is a step towards that,” in her opinion. “As a whole, the purpose of dating is to see if that could be a person you could marry.”
But then there’s dating casually, going into long relationships with no real purpose except maybe to have a good time. If you’re dating someone without seeing a future together, Charis considered it “wasting your time” and “dating for heartbreak.”
Gilda and Durotimi, sitting together, also expressed similar sentiments.
“A dating relationship is in order for both of you guys to fulfill the purpose that God gave both of you guys together,” Gilda said. “God wants you to enjoy love and being in a romantic relationship. But I think the main thing is kingdom focused.”
“The purpose of a dating relationship is for marriage,” Durotimi agreed. “Personally, I don’t think dating relationships should be treated like, ‘Oh, I’m just having a bit of fun,’ and then once the fizzle dies down, I can move on to the next.” There are repercussions for that, she believes, and like Charis has outright said, she seemed to imply only heartbreak was left when a romantic relationship, like any other kind of relationship, was treated as just for fun.
Ciaran, a guy also with them from the team games that evening, chipped in when I asked if he had any thoughts hearing all this. He agreed that it was “important to find someone who has the same Christian values as you, but that you’re also in love with them.”
Clairine, Merlin, and Raine, three students of Indian descent also at that CU conference, followed the same line of thought. As Merlin, 22, who had a serious boyfriend before, put it, if she finds someone she likes, “my first approach will be to God and not the person.” Dating was definitely about finding someone compatible, but also someone who feared God.
These women, however, were more positive about the men available out there.
“I’ve seen very wonderfully God-led people that are living very good lives,” Clairine affirmed, citing her being part of a large Indian congregation as the reason she’d met so many great men. “But,” she added, “it doesn’t mean that they’re for me, if you get me.”
“It’s hard to find men who have the same views on sex, life, children, marriage,” Charis said, in contrast to what Clairine and Raine affirmed. But Charis was confident that, should you make it a priority to surround yourself with platonic Christian relationships, you were bound to find the right person out there for you regardless.
Finally, Amanda Uwase, 23, news editor of The Bulletin and writer of the article that inspired this, pitched in her own thoughts.
“The dating pool is cooked!” she laughed.
“I feel like men these days want women to chase and they would like women to show their interest from the get,” she said. Yet later she wondered, “How many women who have chased men and they’re together have been respected?”
There was a seeming contradiction. Men didn’t want to pursue women for fear of rejection, yet they didn’t respect the women who tried to pursue them.
Amanda’s conclusion to all this was clear. “I have chased men, and it’s never worth it.” So now she’d rather have a man come up to her and do the asking. She knows accepting it is sexist, but “what else can I do?”
Still, “dating is hard work,” and so Amanda, despite being open to the possibility of a relationship, is content with her period of singleness.
All of the women interviewed expressed this same contentment with their status as single.
Whether having dated, been in a relationship, or never been on a date before, they were open to the idea of a relationship and the pursuit of romance but also at some form of peace with where they were.
In Raine’s words: “I definitely am still trying to grow my relationship with God, still learn more about topics like this, like relationships and marriage.” And being in the learning stage, they all felt that this was as good a time as any to firmly establish and discover their priorities, their faith and worldview, and their standards for future relationships.
“Don’t be apologetic about what God says,” the speaker for the CU meeting that day advised all students, female and male, present, because “you actually believe that’s the best way to live.” And in a country of religious freedom, no one should apologize for living their own truths.
So for most of these ladies, finding a Christian man that meets their standards, particularly in spiritual and moral maturity, and is also compatible can be challenging or even impossible, as women online have sighed. But they have a certainty that not all hope is lost, that if so their God wills it, He will lead them to a partner who can match them in intellect, interest, emotion, and worldview.
In Amanda’s words: “If I so strongly believe in Jesus, why not my partner?”