What was I made for?Â
There are many conflicting ideas about what it means to be a woman. This question burns deeply in our hearts but also permeates society and popular culture. As I ask myself this question, the song that plays in my head is “What Was I Made For” by Billie Eilish and its feature in the 2023 Barbie movie. The whole premise of the movie explores the tension we experience as women between who we are expected to be and what we as individuals were made to be.
I believe many women and young girls similarly question their place by battling between desires of career and family life; feeling unfulfilled in their relationships; being dissatisfied with themselves physically, emotionally, or socially and so we must attempt to answer this question.
I think the answer to this question begins by understanding the core desires of our heart.Â
Our Heart’s Core Desires
So what do I mean by a desire of the heart? To this I am referring to things as women that we long for and crave on a deeper level. Take for example the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. This book states that there are fundamental differences between men and women and their needs. Looking at relationships specifically, author John Gray states that men need to feel respected while women need to feel loved. I mention this to establish the framework in which men and women, at their core, often desire unique things and it is important to understand what that looks like individually.Â
As women, our desires are like onions, often wrapped in layers and layers of societal and cultural informants and wounds in our lives that remain unhealed. I think about all the times I’ve seen girls cry because they didn’t feel pretty enough, or because they weren’t loved the way they needed by their boyfriend. We are even stereotyped as women for this and for being “overly emotional” or “irrational.” But these feelings come from a deeper place.Â
I was very inspired by the book Captivating, co-written by John and Stasi Eldredge, which outlines what they call the three core desires of a woman’s heart. And through understanding these, readers can hope to understand what makes for a fulfilling life and fulfilling relationships. Here are my key takeaways:
Women want to be romanced:
We desire to feel loved, chosen, and cherished by others. This reflects a deep need for connection and emotional intimacy, where we feel valued and pursued rather than overlooked.
We want to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure:
We long to be part of something meaningful and larger than ourselves. This desire reflects our need for purpose and significance—to know that our lives are making an impact and are not ordinary or wasted.
We want to unveil beauty:
We have a deep appreciation for beauty and a desire to be seen and known for who we truly are. This reflects both our ability to recognize beauty in the world and our own longing to feel beautiful, valued, and understood.
This is why so many women struggle when these desires go unmet. When we feel unseen, unvalued, or disconnected, it can create a sense of emptiness or confusion about our place in the world. This tension reveals how deeply these needs are rooted in who we are.
Ultimately, these core desires point toward a deeper truth: that we were made for relationships, for purpose, and for a life that feels meaningful and complete.
The Importance of Sisterhood
Something that we tend to overlook as women is the true importance of sisterhood and having deep and vulnerable connections with our female friends. I recently attended a talk where the speaker explained how women were meant to coexist with other women. Historically we would learn how to be a woman from other women, not doctors or social media personnel or even men, but just from the women surrounding us.
As she explained this, I immediately felt robbed of all of the connections and relationships I could have built if instead of searching online or consulting ChatGPT, I had asked the women in my life– my mom, aunt, close family friends, etc. These older women carry with them life experiences and wisdom and know who I am personally, can offer more personalized guidance based on genuine understanding.
Unlike our online consultants, the women in our lives can have a two way conversation with us where they can intimately get to know who we are and share advice based on who you are. And how beautiful is it that we can foster meaningful relationships with women who can walk with us through womanhood and continually support us.
It seems stupidly simple, really, but being heard and understood is incredibly important. It fulfils our deep need for connection and emotional support. It’s a need that often gets lost or overlooked when we are afraid to be vulnerable.
Even in our friendships it can be hard to be vulnerable and share our hearts. But it is crucial that as women we have a network of girl friends who we trust to tell our deepest desires, fears, and problems with. We were made for relationships, especially beyond romantic ones. We as women were made to form these connections, to build a sisterhood that will fulfill our hearts’ desires.