Before I could learn any real concept of romance, first love was introduced to me as all romance could be. First love has a weird way of feeling larger than it should be. It’s shoved in our faces within every movie or TV show, and forced upon us during our adolescent years and small conversations during recess before we even know its definition. Somehow, before we are old enough to understand it, we are already taught to expect it.
Growing up, first love is presented almost like a milestone, something that proves you are officially growing up or doing life the “correct” way. In movies and school, it’s dramatic and unforgettable. In songs, it’s intense and fiery. And everyone seems to have a story or an opinion surrounding it, holding it to the highest of standards.
Because of this, first love often begins long before the relationship itself. It starts with the idea of it and the anticipation. The quiet belief that one day someone, somewhere will look at you like your dad did your mom or Prince Charming did Cinderella. Just in the simplest of ways that suddenly makes everything make sense. And when it finally does happen, it feels bigger than the moment itself because it carries all the expectations we have built around it.
What makes first love so powerful isn’t necessarily the length of the relationship, but the fact that everything about it feels new. Every emotion arrives for the very first time and feels foreign . Like the excitement of seeing someone who isn’t just a friend or family, the nervousness that can occur from a single thought, and the realization that this could be your “person”.
But the thing about first love that most don’t discuss enough is that it isn’t always a relationship. Sometimes it’s a crush that lasts longer than expected, or someone you never officially dated, but the feelings were still real enough to shape how you saw love. Or a situationship that was doomed from the start and never fully became something. And yet, they all still could be labeled as your “first love” simply because it was the first time those emotions existed for you in that way.
That’s where the problem with the first love trope begins. We’re taught to hold onto it like it’s the purest version of love we’ll ever know and receive. But in reality, first love is often just an introduction, not the end all be all. And once that realization actively appears we wonder why people or movies never went into full detail about these great lovers.
Most first loves happen when we barely understand ourselves, let alone another person. They appear when we are still figuring out identity, boundaries, and what we actually want from relationships, and often require much trial and error and extra effort. Because of that, many of them end early or fade out naturally as life and wants change. Not because they weren’t meaningful, but because they weren’t meant to carry the full weight of what love eventually becomes.
First love may be the opening introduction to romance, but it should never be the whole story or conclusion. It’s simply the first chapter in learning how to care for someone and how to be cared for in return, or even a lesson on rights and wrongs. And sometimes, the most meaningful love comes long after that first introduction. And those later loves can make you change your whole perspective and what you thought you knew forever.
