Every spring break, I spiral over swimsuit shopping. Every. Single. Year.
If you’re midsize, you probably know the swimsuit “rules.” Wear something slimming. Stick to high-rise bottoms. Pick the styles that hide your body the most.
However, this year, while shopping for swimsuits, I had a bit of an epiphany.
As I was scouring the internet for the elusive high-rise bikini, I started noticing that they consistently came in uglier colors and patterns compared to their low-rise counterparts.
And to the fashion industry, this may come as a surprise, but larger girls want cute swimsuits too. We don’t want to go to the beach with our friends and feel singled out in some dark, ruched, overly “practical” swimsuit while everyone else is in cute florals, pastels, and tropical prints.
So, instead of looking at everything and asking “Is this the most flattering option?”, I asked a much simpler question: “Do I actually like this?”
I ordered swimsuits in colors and patterns I liked, rise be darned. I picked bottoms that didn’t go all the way up to my belly button. Basically, ignoring nearly every rule I’d ever heard about how a “girl my size” is supposed to dress for the beach.
I won’t pretend I loved them the second they arrived. In fact, I hated them at first. I felt like every part of my body I’d ever had a negative thought about would be on display for everyone to see. I almost returned them, but after a mild freakout, I realized I didn’t look that bad. Sure, my stomach hung out a bit, and you could see more of the rolls on my back, but so what?
I don’t look like a size two with clothes on. So why was I terrified someone might notice when I’m in a swimsuit? Why did I cling so hard to high-waisted bottoms to hide my stomach when it exists the other eleven months of the year, too?
Whenever I’m at the pool or the beach, I see people in all kinds of bodies wearing all kinds of swimsuits, and I’ve never thought, “She shouldn’t be wearing that.” If anything, I’m usually thinking about myself.
That realization made me question how much of my swimsuit anxiety was actually about my body, and how much was about the idea that I needed to look a certain way to be perceived positively in public.
All of this is much easier said than done. I know that because I still have two weeks before my swimsuit debut, and I’m almost positive that when the moment actually comes, I’ll feel self-conscious again.
I’ll probably still wonder if I should’ve just ordered the “safer” option.
But what changed for me wasn’t some big “love your body” breakthrough. It’s just knowing that I don’t have to wait until I feel completely confident to wear something I actually like. I can feel a little insecure and still rock a swimsuit anyway.
So this isn’t me saying you need to love every inch of your body or swear off high-waisted styles forever. It’s a reminder to buy the swimsuits you genuinely like, and not just the ones society has decided are the most “appropriate” for your body type, regardless of what size you are.
Because at the end of the day, I’m still a size 10 whether my swimsuit is high-rise or not, so I might as well pick the cute one.