There are differences between living for yourself and being selfish. Since we were born, it has been expected that we go out of our way to do things for others above ourselves. Living for yourself means to take control of your own life fulfillment without feeling guilt. For some, including myself, dealing with this guilt is the hardest part.
For as long as I can remember, it’s been easier to feel like a burden than someone who people actually want to spend time with. There was no defining moment, no distinct point in my life that made me feel this way, but I think it is a way for my brain to sabotage situations that I can find happiness in. To me, if I’m not bringing anything to the table, then why would anyone want me around? This concept comes up with everyone I surround myself with. Every. Single. Person.
Now, I know that idea is a pretty somber one, so I want to preface that I am doing much better controlling where my head goes. Keeping my mind off of those scenarios helps retain my positivity, but it was hard to train my head to act that way. There are definitely situations I wish I could go back and do differently, but it doesn’t really work that way. Sometimes, you just have to let it go, no matter how much you regret what happened.
Life is full of regrets. These can weigh you down like a sack of bricks if you are not careful. They come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes the smaller regrets grow over time and loom overhead like a storm.
I regret not buying that dress. I regret not drinking enough water during the day. I regret never telling him how I felt. I regret not getting help on a project. I regret that I never wrote that story. I regret how I treated this person. I regret spacing out on that conversation. I regret never saying goodbye when I had the chance.
Something I believe everyone forgets is this: it’s your first time living. We’re not supposed to have it all figured out all of the time. Regrets happen every day, even if we don’t stop and recognize them. If we didn’t have any regrets, did we ever really live at all?
Regrets themselves are natural and unavoidable, but what you can control is how you react to them. If all you do is let them get in your head, plaguing your concept of contentness, then you’re constantly going to be in a state of self-sabotage. It’s a natural instinct, to say the least, but it shouldn’t be.
When you live for yourself, you prioritize your health and happiness. Those that see this action as selfish shouldn’t have a place in your life anyway. I’ve lost a few friends in the process of choosing myself. It hurts at first; you lose the people that were supposed to be there for you like you were for them. But, I can honestly say, you soon realize how much better you are without them. Life just happens to become more peaceful.
One of the biggest adjustments as you grow up, for me at least, is learning how to take care of yourself all over again. You still need to eat, sleep, shower, and decompress after a long day. However, it is so much easier to brush these ideas under the rug and just sit. Sit and think about your bag full of regrets, taking them out, pulling them apart one by one, overanalyzing where you went wrong.
As you navigate how to thrive on your own, you need to learn the art of saying “no.” For a people pleaser such as myself, this was the hardest thing to adjust myself to. Setting boundaries and prioritizing yourself is a good thing. It’s ok if you risk disappointing others. We need to start allowing ourselves to handle conflict appropriately again. It can be scary, but it’s part of life.
Letting go of the constant need for validation can also be a huge deal for a lot of people. In my case, academic validation had been the one thing driving me though my years before college. Now that I’ve made it this far, I can laugh and think about how little it matters in the grand scheme of things. This same notion can be applied to other aspects of my life too. By comparing what was once my sole purpose for existing against circumstances I now believe define me as a person, I am able to be content in situations that would otherwise keep me awake at night.
You have to celebrate the little things you do in life. As crazy as it sounds, I was so proud of myself when I started taking vitamins. For me, it means that I am finally getting out of that dark cave I put myself in. I am actively choosing to keep myself healthy, which is something I have never in my life said before.
Who cares about what you said to one person a month ago or how you almost tripped over your own feet in front of a bunch of people? No one is going to remember it anyway, so you may as well just laugh it off and keep moving forward. As hard as it is to comprehend, your relationships with everyone you know come and go, usually never staying consistent forever. The only person you’re stuck with is you, so it’s time to start showing yourself the love that you definitely deserve.
As I stated previously, to live for yourself doesn’t make you a selfish person. Rather, it means you live a life you are genuinely proud of. It’s been a long road, one I am not fully through, but I have finally stopped thinking of myself as the “spare” or the “burden.”
To put it simply, life is just too short.