By: Amelia-Rose Williams
Growing up, I never had a tight grasp on what sex even was. I was always taught my body was a temple and I shouldn’t allow anything to desecrate it. Not in the way you may think, simply put, I should make sure that those I allow in have a full appreciation and understanding of how to treat me properly. Therefore, I should be careful who I let see me intimately. I had an idea of what I wanted sex and intimacy to be for me and somewhat an idea of how I thought the male gaze perceived me as but it never truly hit me until college.
In high school, my closest friends at the time would often talk about their sexual encounters. With the information I got from those conversations, I quickly became dismissive of the thought of giving up my body to a man so easily. I listened as girls shared how their value was decided simply based on how untouched their “assets” were.
I found it humiliating, belittling and disgusting. I became disgusted with my own body, even though I was a virgin, which made things even worse for me. The incurable and bottomless hunger that lies in the thoughts of men who know you are a virgin is nauseating. To them, you are the most prized possession on the planet, needing to be protected at all costs.Â
They want you to be a virgin but a “freak” in the bedroom, knowing sexual acts and how to present yourself on a silver platter for them. However, I knew nothing about doing that, the first time I showed my naked body to my first-ever longtime relationship after he begged and pleaded for me to. I was immediately mocked , while he exclaimed that I had no idea how to pose for him.
I’ll admit I didn’t (LOL), how could I? I didn’t know that there were specific rules or guidelines on how to take a nude. Soon after that, I began truly understanding what men think of us. We have to be innocent yet knowledgeable, perform for them like how we do in their fantasies, while never getting too close or comfortable with them. Constantly asking ourselves, what are we?
While everyone is told that boys/men mature later than women, I think it’s an excuse for emotional incompetence. For women to give our bodies in such an intimate way is to give a part of our souls. It’s more than a temporary high; it’s everything. While there very well may be some women who probably do just do it for the adrenaline rush. For the majority, it’s an opportunity to intertwine with someone and really connect.
We are more than what lies between our legs; we are smart, innovative and passionate. Our worth isn’t based on how many sexual encounters we’ve had. We should be allowed to experiment and not be taken advantage of, and use these experiences not to continue toxic cycles, but to explore ourselves. Not facing ridicule for being more sexually expressive compared to another woman. Our youth is about learning the type of person we truly are and men shouldn’t have the final say in what determines that for us.