“Mom, would you wash my back? This once, and then we can forget, and I’ll leave what I’m chasing.”
These are lyrics from Japanese American singer Mitski’s song “Class of 2013” from her album Retired from Sad, New Career in Business. Within Japanese culture, it’s normal for a child to bathe with their mother until they simply get too old for it. A child could potentially grow up feeling that, as they got older, they could no longer ask their mother for help.
If we look deeper into the production and history of the song, it’s important to note that this song was a part of a student project that she released during her time at Purchase College. The song also heavily relates to the fears that many college graduates feel once they cross the stage and are thrust into the adult world. I believe that many graduates fear that they’ve chosen the wrong path or that it’s too late for them to catch up with others, but that’s the emotion Mitski is trying to capture.
Despite the song being only one minute and fifty seconds long, in my opinion Mitski puts a lot of emotion into the lyrics and especially into the performances. In my opinion, when Mitski says, “and then we can forget,” she’s referencing a daughter wanting her mother to forget her past mistakes and treat her like the small child she once was, who was still worthy of her mother’s love.
It’s well known that music can be a powerful tool, and when an artist makes a deep connection to their music, the message can get across more clearly. Throughout the short song, Mitski is very clearly speaking to her mother, asking for the affection and acceptance she once had. Considering the quoted lyrics, there can be an assumed deeper meaning in asking her mother to clean her back, a moment of vulnerability, and maybe even cleaning away her mistakes.
The relationship between a mother and daughter is something special and delicate, and how a mother treats her daughter can establish the daughter’s self-esteem and how she views herself. When a mother is overly critical or consistently harsh, it has lasting negative effects on her child as she grows up.
As mentioned before, overly critical comments from parents can vastly affect a child. In an article written by Dr. Margaret Areizaga, she mentions how validation is an incredibly powerful tool. Every child reacts differently to positive and negative feedback from their parents. In my experience, whenever my parents would give me positive validation for something I did, it made me want to continue to do better or do something similar to continue to get said validation.
Everything doesn’t have to be critical, though; positive relationships between a mother and daughter have been proven to increase self-esteem and emotional regulation. This can also improve the bond between the pair, allowing for more trust in their relationship.
It’s important to understand the impact that a negative or positive relationship with your mother can be even if you don’t realize it. Emotions are natural but letting them fester will only cause more harm over the years. If you’re able to, have uncomfortable conversations to better understand your relationship.