With February being the designated month of love, it can be easy for the mind to jump to romance. Planning date nights, choosing which rom-coms to watch, or even going on a first date: that’s the mindset that February has set for generations. Even without the flowers and candy hearts bursting at the seams at the grocery store, romance has long been regarded as the main type of love to achieve.
Yes, achieve.Â
Whether we like it or not, romantic love is often regarded as the pinnacle of relationships. It’s easy for thoughts to quietly trickle in if you’re behind on finding love or lack experience. While some people are out prioritizing the romantic side of their life, platonic relationships slowly fade into the background. But why?Â
The friend you made in first grade. The girl you met in the bathroom bar. The stranger that you became close with outside of work. These foundations exist and blossom into long-lasting friendships. Still, they’re often discarded once a promising match flashes as a smile or texts more than three times a week. When the romantic relationship ends, someone is left wondering what to do with their time and, more importantly, where their friends went. Â
Oftentimes, they never left.Â
Life can get busy; no one is refuting that. Texts can go unanswered for a few days. Plans made to be rescheduled. The big difference in these scenarios is navigating what type of friend you have and what type of friend you are.Â
Though romantic interest can indeed alter these friendships, these relationships can be altered even without a romantic pursuit. At the end of the day, it all lies in intention. Someone may be busy this week, but they can make time next week. The person you made loose plans with might have no issue creating solid ones with someone else. Maybe you wanted to hang out with someone outside of the gym but realized you don’t mesh well and never followed up, ghosting instead.Â
The truth is, no one is ever too busy to prioritize what matters. It all lies in who they consider friends and want to make time for.
As children, friendships were the biggest promise in the world. From cautiously approaching someone in elementary school, to sleepovers, and eventual visits to current college towns, it’s nice to grow up with somebody, and maybe even grow old with them. Friends encapsulate that to a T.Â
Maybe they’re often not being taken seriously anymore because they’ve simply always been there. And as women, we’re expected to care enough to maintain things, even when it seems like the other person isn’t giving back the same amount. Making new friends is hard, and maintaining long-distance friendships can feel even harder. The key is in communication. Whether it’s a new friend or a lifelong one, establishing regular time together can make a whole world of difference. Not only that, but if plans change, having a follow-up matters. Being open about expectations and mutual intention is integral for sustaining any relationship.Â
Friendship is beautiful because it can feel effortless, like someone has simply always been there. But even the most natural relationship needs care. It’s like tending to a flower. It can grow into something beautiful, but it cannot sustain itself without proper care.Â
A new romantic partner might be wonderful, but it shouldn’t take the place of those who’ve come before, and likely will be there after. The move to a new city can be overwhelming. Creating and finding consistency sounds appealing, but it’s not always realistic. Balancing these friendships while work, school, and mental and emotional health are going on isn’t easy, but it can work so long as you allow yourself to breathe.
Take a moment to reflect on what you value, and if those around you value it in the same way. Having different priorities and perspectives can feel daunting, but it can help in figuring out where each other fits into each other’s lives. Maybe friendships aren’t becoming a lost art, but perhaps they’re being underestimated. It might be time to flip the narrative and remember that friends are some of the most profound soulmates one can have.