The media has always raved about the flaws of generations; Gen-Z has notoriously made fun of millennials and boomers, but we also poke fun at ourselves. Recently, there has been a lot of talk about how toxic masculinity becomes apparent in men’s habits and actions, especially when it comes to their relations with women, as well as the existence of male-centered females.
“Male-Centered” Versus “Toxic Masculinity”
The wording of these phrases is interesting because one could argue that they often imply the same things about a person. However, the difference in word choice shines light on the effects of misogyny, even in common terminology used by everyone, including many feminists. Both terms relate to the idea that certain societal standards and pressures are placed on each gender. For example, it is likely that male-centered attitudes in women stem from the long-term societal belief that women’s value relies on men, which could explain how the wording revolves around the existence of a man, even though it is usually applied to describe a woman. In her EBSCO article, Jocelyn Hutchinson states that androcentrism, a more scientific term for being male-centered, is when one prioritizes the perspectives and interests of men over women, which manifests through the behaviors, products and lives of those who hold this view. Conversely, Kevin Foss’ article published by the Anxiety & Depression Association of America helped me refine the term “toxic masculinity” by explaining how it suggests that a man is trying to act tough, powerful and overall more manly because growing up, men are often told to “toughen up” or even blatantly to “stop being such a girl.” This likely stems from the historical idea that men are meant to be strong protectors of women and must uphold their manliness in order to attract one.
I think that these two terms are very similar. Is a male-centered woman not exhibiting traits of toxic femininity? Is a man exhibiting traits of toxic masculinity not female-centered? One could argue that they are slightly different, and I would agree that they can be, but they are also incredibly alike in many respects. The inability to exhibit behavior that doesn’t conform to this view and the insecurity rooted in these behaviors are the same in both genders. Furthermore, the idea of toxic masculinity can help guide our conception of what a female-centered male is, as it is not a commonly used term. So what are male-centered females and female-centered males? How do you know if someone is one? And, which is worse?
Male-Centered Females
We have already established that women who are androcentric value men’s views more than women’s. But how does society identify these types of girls? For a while, “girly girls” were seen as wanting male attention, then it was the girls who are “one of the boys.” I believe it has been developed into a more accurate view of being girls who consistently display attitudes of caring more for what men think. When girls put down other women when they are in front of a man together, or even speak badly about them when they are alone with a man, this shows a form of male-centeredness. They want to be the one who is perceived well by men, almost viewing other women as competition. Often, these are the same types of girls who always want to be around men. They tend to ditch the girls to be with a man or invite him to the girls’ night because they care more about being around men than just being with other girls. These girls may also be unable to hold a conversation without saying something that has to do with a man. If they were in a movie, they probably would not pass the Bechdel test as defined by nofilmschool.com, where two women have at least one conversation about something other than a man. We have all met these types of girls and understand that sometimes it can be difficult to be around or be friends with them.
Female-Centered Males
Similarly, the aforementioned female-centered male is a force to be reckoned with as well, posing a difficult time for other people to be around, including their other male friends. To me, the lines are a bit more blurred when it comes to identifying this type of man. As I understand it, this is the type of guy who wants to be perceived as a “macho sex-god” by women. They try to appear tough, either physically by going to the gym and hitting dietary goals, mentally often by acting anti-feminine and as though they are super cool and tough, or both. Sometimes they even partake in mischievous behavior to seem more manly. This includes things like going out to drink and hit on girls while bragging to their friends about how much game they get and sex they have, as well as constantly checking out girls and feeling the need to speak to any woman who merely glances at them. Overall, guys like this have a propensity to objectify women.
Additionally, I offer a second type of female-centered male, which is a bit more lighthearted feeling: the performative male. Men who drink coffee or matcha, play instruments, read or do other things that people view as liked by women are labeled performative males, and could be a different type of female-centered man. In this case, I would say the definition of being female-centered and toxic masculinity are miles apart. Especially, because these men are often seen as more in-tune with their feminine sides and proud of it, to the point where people think they are flaunting it and characterize them as performative.
What’s the Harm?
The truth is that it’s important to talk about this subject because this behavior, in both men and women, can be extremely harmful. Furthermore, the same group of people is hurt by everyone whose personalities and actions are centered around the opposite sex. Who? Women. While it can be uncomfortable for men to be around either of these personality types, the ones who suffer directly are women. We are the ones constantly being put down or treated poorly by other women who want to gain the favor of men, and also the ones who become prey for men who want to use them to feel more masculine. This notion further supports the idea that the behaviors exhibited by androcentric girls and female-centered guys stem from sexist and misogynistic views.
Which is Worse?
Honestly, I don’t have an answer to the question of which one is worse. They are both bad and behave in ways that can be hurtful to women and make men uncomfortable. These personalities can affect people at different levels. Some people may just get annoyed, while others could be offended by their behavior. It all depends on who it is and the context of the situation. Conditions are the key to almost everything; most of us can probably agree that there are some situations in which we would much rather be around a male-centered woman, and others where we would choose a female-centered man. This topic is a “to each their own” one. So, do you agree that these types of gender-centered people exist? Did I hit the nail on the head, or have you noticed them to act differently than I described? Which do you think is worse: the male-centered female or the female-centered male?