The more I scroll on social media and the more people I talk to, the less and less I believe that people are genuinely happy in their relationships. Blunt, I know, but think about it. How many times have you clicked past a lovey-dovey post of a couple that you know argued until 12 am the night before? I know that with social media, there is a pressure to post your significant other, and I also understand that you might just want to-, but I always wonder if there was an argument right before that post went up. I am not trying to point fingers or call anyone out, but I simply want to address the big elephant in the room… are relationships real anymore?Â
Not just discussing social media, but genuinely. I sometimes wonder if the people I talk to have the capacity to genuinely care so deeply for someone like a significant other. From what I know, relationships involve a lot of heavy lifting. You will hear about their bad days, listen to their worries, friends’ troubles and family problems- but to those who listen, do you care? Are you waiting for them to finish talking so you can finally mention something about your day? I think a lot of people like the idea of a boyfriend or girlfriend for someone to listen to them, or someone to buy and do things for them. To be clear, I am not trying to deem all of us as heartless human beings, but I would like to stir up some thinking and talk to those who believe they have little in their heart to spare for another person. A real relationship requires real connection, emotion, and love. Some things you might have to give up, while I don’t mean sacrificing who you are, but giving up things that you might like to keep tucked away in your back pocket. For example, after Valentine’s Day passes each year, everyone learns something new, everyone has a boyfriend, but it also leaves us wondering- is everyone happy? The sad but real answer is no. Some relationships are simply nightmares to hear about, to the point where I can’t ever imagine living in one like that. (To those who believe they are living a nightmare with their current relationship, wake up!) With social media, we can only hope the couples are portraying the truth of their beaming happiness, but a lot of the time, it is a fad (gosh, I am normally a positive person, I apologize). Ask yourself, are you honest about how you feel? Is your first thought “I should talk to them about it,” or is it “I could never say that to them”? How do you stay true to yourself if you are constantly on eggshells, fearing the next blowover? A relationship should be a safe space, not something that might disappear at the sight of a grey sky rolling in.Â
Almost everyone I know has been through a relationship that changed who they were and led to who they have become. I myself have learned some lessons the hard way, but it helped me realize what I desire in a relationship. I want it to be real. I don’t want to laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, dim my loud personality or keep silent about things that matter to me. If anything, I push and push to make sure that I can be my fullest self and cause absolutely no problems. I lay everything out on the table, no stone unturned. I have also learned I can sometimes be stubborn, prideful and quite mean with my words. If I want a real relationship, but am not real with myself, I can never gain the relationship I desire. Digging into who you are and the person you are with can help you determine if this is a relationship you want. The person you are with has much more impact on you and your days than you think. A real relationship is a safe, thoughtful and caring one! Selflessness in a relationship is a necessity, even though it can be oh so hard.Â
While I have brought up the fact of social media, I think that putting an intense amount of weight on how people view your relationship can cause drifts between you and your person. Hence, I mention people portraying a completely different relationship online than what we truly see. Obviously, not every relationship is perfect. But do everything you can to place yourself in healthy situations with healthy people. You can not change or fix your partner- so pick a good one. Relationships are quite a hot topic, but in order for it to be worth talking about and worth your energy, it needs to be real.