It is February as I am writing this article, and I currently have zero plans that extend beyond graduation (which is quickly approaching). Despite applying for a few jobs, nothing has panned out. Unless something miraculous falls in my lap, it seems clear that I will be moving home come June. I had conflicting feelings about it for the past few months, but I am now starting to feel really excited about going back home.Â
The conflict arose from the fact that most of my friends have a strong sense of what they want to do postgrad. Those that are also moving home know what the next step will be, whether that is a master’s, a certain field they want to get into, or even a city they have their heart set on living in. Their time at home is finite; it’s more of a gap year before the next phase. For me, there is no game plan for the future.
Some of my friends are not even going home. They are about to be working jobs that they are incredibly passionate about in cool new cities. It was hard not to feel left behind. Even though I never saw moving home as a failure, it was hard to see any way it could be a success, especially compared with the very obvious successes of those around me. I have always felt ahead in high school and college, and for the first time, I felt behind.
I think most of my initial negative reactions to the thought of moving home were based on societal expectations. Especially after getting a college degree, it feels like I should move straight into a career, or at least know what career I want. I assumed college would be the time in which I would figure out what I want to do with my life. But I still don’t know. However I think moving home will be the thing that helps me figure it out. When I took the time to turn inward, I realized there are so many positives to my situation.
For starters, I adore my family. I get along well with my parents and little brother. The period after college may be the last time I live under the same roof as them, especially with my brother shortly heading to college. I am glad I can enjoy that time together. If I was moving somewhere new immediately, I would never get that intentional time, with the awareness that it is something limited that should be savored. I can also save money by not paying rent.Â
The idea of having to “move out” at all is a very American concept. In many other countries, it is completely normal to live with your family through college and beyond, sometimes even for your entire life. The idea that you have to move out and be independent from 18 onward is unrealistic and unnecessary. It is okay to not be financially independent immediately after finishing college. If I like living with my parents and they like having me there, why rush to go somewhere else?
Another reason I was initially hesitant about moving home was based on my experience during previous summers, where I often felt bored. I attributed that to my hometown. I thought there was nothing left I had not done before. I now see that the boredom was based on the fact that I had no job, no school, and no long-term commitments at all. If I am home longer than three months, I have time to build a community and fill my schedule. Being home for summer as a visitor is very different than living there full-time as a resident.
The biggest reason I am glad to be moving home is to prevent myself from rushing into something that isn’t right for me. I am sure I could apply to an internship or graduate program and get accepted, just to avoid moving home. However, I would be doing it just to do it. I would rather give myself the time and space to figure out what I want. And there are probably far more people I know who feel the same, even if they don’t admit it.
On top of that, I have been in school since I was five years old. I lived in my hometown until I was 18, then moved to Isla Vista in order to go to UCSB. I have never had a true choice of where I want to live. There is always something keeping me pinned down. It sounds nice to have some time with total freedom, before entering into a 9-to-5 job. I can work an interesting job, travel, visit friends, and spend time with my family. I may stumble upon something I never would have found otherwise.
Ultimately, I see going home as leaving myself open for opportunity. Instead of taking the first thing that comes my way, I am going to sit back and wait for the right thing for me. I am so happy for all the people I know who have a strong sense of what they want to do, and have plans lined up. There is nothing wrong with that. But for someone like me, who does not know with 100% certainty what I want, I would so much rather take a pause to figure it out.