By Allie Thomas
I’m going to expose myself and say that I have a tiny hallway crush. Have I spoken to him? Absolutely not. That’s insane; be serious. I just see him sometimes on campus. We’re kind of in a “two passing ships” phase right now. Well, I am; he has no idea I exist. We are currently experiencing the infamous missed encounter: the idea of seeing someone that you find attractive and not interacting with them at all, sometimes even ignoring them completely, out of fear of rejection. If you feel like you can relate, please allow me to motivate you to do as I say, not as I do. Hopefully, by the end of this, you will cancel that Etsy Witch and take your future into your own hands.
If you’ve been on social media anytime within the past couple of years, then you probably know about the trend of staying stone-faced and indifferent around people you find attractive. We live in an era of nonchalance, where trying is seen as cringe. Obviously, this doesn’t apply in all situations but just humor me for a second. If he is afraid to talk and you’re afraid to talk, so neither of you speaks ever, then who’s driving the bus? Girl, aren’t you tired of being so scared all the time? To be human is to have experiences, and without that, we are nothing. Allow yourself to experience something, to feel something! Too many of us are letting opportunities pass by, completely addicted to denying ourselves life’s pleasures. I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while now. Rejection is just a part of life, and life is too beautiful not to be experienced.
If this is still not making any sense to you, then allow me to paint a picture. You are sitting in the student center, minding your business, when you look up and lock eyes with someone you find very attractive. Somehow, in the sea of a thousand faces, you notice them and only them. Your heart kind of flutters because, for a split second, you imagine yourself going up to talk to them. Then it immediately sinks when you remind yourself that that’s cringe and weird. So, you do what you always do: ignore the absolute crap out of them and hope they take the hint to talk first. You know, like those old One Direction fanfics where Harry Styles would pick Y/N out of the crowd because she’s reading a book and is not like other girls. Low-key, the same concept, if you think about it. Maybe 2016 really is making a comeback.
Sound familiar? Maybe for you it’s the library or the science building. Wherever it is, you are not alone. I asked several of my friends why they didn’t approach people first, and the same three answers popped up.
I don’t want to be rejected. That’s embarrassing.
I don’t want to be annoying; they looked busy.
I figured they had a partner.
All of these answers are valid; I’m not going to lie to you. Doing scary things is scary; that’s a no-brainer. But I am going to give you a few things to think about for the next time you encounter these mental blocks. Please remember to do everything with respect and that “No” always means “No.”
I don’t want to be rejected.
Being vulnerable can be very nerve-wracking. Remember, the worst thing they can say is no. Nothing is embarrassing about putting yourself out there as long as you’re being respectful. Sometimes the feeling of embarrassment comes from putting that person on a pedestal and believing they are more valuable than you are. You must remember that they are human beings, just like you, with thoughts and feelings and baggage. Everyone is worth the same amount. It might help to take the pressure off by thinking of the interaction while trying to make a new friend. That way, you are on equal ground. If they aren’t into it, that’s okay! I am a firm believer in “there is somebody for everybody,” and you will find your person!
I don’t want to be annoying; they looked busy.
This answer popped up fairly frequently. Sometimes people are just busy or straight up don’t want to be bothered. That’s okay; don’t take it personally. Everyone is dealing with their own stuff. Not everyone has time or is looking for a relationship right now. For this one, I would say to use your best judgment. How would you want to be treated?
I figured they had a partner.
Did they tell you that? Did you see them with their partnerss previously? Did you find a partner during your Insta stalking? If the answer to that is no, then there is no harm in asking. If they do have one, then you’ve got to respect that and let it go. You would want someone to do the same for your relationship. Now, if you are using “I figured they had a partner” as an excuse to not talk to them and still sleep at night, then girl, you gotta lock in. If you create a narrative about them before they’ve even opened their mouth, then you’ll just hurt your own feelings. Don’t spoil the plot for yourself. You never know until you ask.
No great love story has ever ended before it began. Please don’t put your heart in limbo. I want you to want more for yourself. I want to want more for myself. Whew! I guess watching all of those romcoms this weekend really rubbed off on me. You know what? I’m going to take my own advice. The next time I see him, I’m going to say something, and I really hope that you do, too!