“College is supposed to be the best years of your life”, I’ve heard so many people say to me. And from developed digital cam pics, party invitations, busy days and being surrounded by friends, it’s easy to expect that. However, as I got used to my classes, my new home, and San Marcos, I realized I felt I needed to be everything at once. Someone who studies all the time, the friend who hosts parties, and someone who travels a bunch and always says yes to going out.
So I tried to be that for as long as I could.
I quickly realized I didn’t like being out late or being social all day, and I preferred a small group of close friends rather than developing multiple surface-level friendships. I compare my life to what I feel I should be doing or what I might regret later, but does it really matter if I’m happy right where I am? What is the college experience really?
The Myth of “Doing It All”
When I think about the college experience, I imagine someone actively involved on campus, maybe the president of an org and active in three others. A social butterfly who starts the conversation, sits at the front of the class and goes out on the weekend. Especially someone who studies every day and gets all A’s. By the end of college, she’s had multiple internships, tons of close friends and a secure job saved for her.
Or at least, that’s what I’ve interpreted from the life I see others living on campus.
But I started wondering why I imagined that specific life. Who does this strict standard serve?
Since I was trying to replicate it in my past semesters, I realized I was romanticizing stress. Reinforcing my worth with the number of bullets on my resume and putting all my bets on the timeline I created.
Why did this feel like the safest option when in reality, even when I participated in these activities, I still wondered, “Was I somehow still wasting my time?” I had a strange sense of relief when plans got cancelled. And I was truly happiest watching a movie in my best friend’s apartment or baking while on FaceTime with my mom.
So after thinking about where I truly am at my happiest, I realized it didn’t have to be the loudest or busiest…Simply fulfilling. So maybe the college experience isn’t something you perform-maybe it’s something you define.
College, According to Everyone Else
After some spiraling in my room. I decided I needed some different opinions. So I asked some of my fellow TXST students to help me define the college experience.
Opportunity & Ambition
“There should be brand new opportunities to try new things, meet new people, and develop your career.” Taylor Carrasco, a journalism and digital media innovation student, imagines.
“I would describe it in three words: networking, friendship, and knowledge.” John Gonzalez, a Nursing student, says.
“I believe the college experience is really comprised of two things. The first is taking advantage of the resources available to you, so that you can learn about and participate in things that wouldn’t be possible if you weren’t in college. Secondly, it’s about making relationships you’ll have long after you graduate.” Jackson Wenzel, a Biology student, states.
“The college experience is what you make of it. …I want to take every opportunity I can to better myself and have anecdotes I can tell people… In the end, I want to look back at my college years and be able to say that I never took an opportunity for granted.” Eduardo Almanza, a Criminal Justice and Political Science student, reinforces.
Here, college looked like an open door with a ‘Welcome!’ sign, introducing the opportunities at Texas State that set you up for success. From networking, creating lasting relationships and constantly learning, these individuals aren’t waiting, but paving the road to their future.
Growth & Identity
“I’d describe my college experience as teaching me how to put myself out there more, and learning who I am.” Zoie Tidmore, a Journalism student, commented.
“Exploring and growing your mind and opinions, learning how to balance adulthood.” Joshua Williamson-Wood, an Environmental Engineering Technology student, explains.
To these individuals, college isn’t simply a career stepping stone but a whole personality shift. The person you are when you graduate, and your freshman self, are two drastically different people. I mean, from leaving home to starting to look out for yourself, you experience growing pains.
Doubt & Complexity
“It’s fun and freeing, but it can also be really lonely…I miss my parents and friends who stayed home. I spend a lot of time alone, which sometimes I love, and other times I feel like I’m missing out on the “college experience” because I don’t party and drink.” Amanda, an English student, says.
“I’d say it’s a whole lot of self-doubt within the overwhelming liberating feeling of freedom that comes with moving out of either your hometown or house…It makes you feel like you’re lost… but that shared experience makes you feel less alone at the same time.” Daniela Urrutia, a Health Sciences student, shared.
“I would say that the college experience is rewarding, tough, but also a life-changing time in one’s existence that allows for growth and learning about oneself.” Teron Smalls, an English student, explained.
Hearing these answers from my fellow students made me realize that I wasn’t alone in my college struggles. Everyone feels a little lonely and debates if they’re doing the right thing. Whether you’re trying to find your friends, missing your family or just adapting to a new home. It’s a lot to juggle. And maybe it never becomes completely clear; perhaps we just get better at sitting with the uncertainty.
Learning to Sit With Myself
College isn’t always aesthetic, easy or impressive. But it is going home when you need to. It’s getting a job the second time you apply. It’s making Valentine’s cards for your roommates and staying in for a movie. It’s crying after driving away from home. It’s finding your favorite study spot. It’s asking for help when you need it. It’s a solo walk to the river. It’s having dorm sleepovers. It’s staying in on Friday, then getting ready for the square on Saturday.
It’s anything you want it to be.
The college experience isn’t something we choose at all. It’s a negotiation between who we are, who we think we should be, and who we’re slowly becoming.
And that is exactly all it needs to be.