When I was 13 on a summer camp trip, a boy walked up to me, complimented me and asked for my Snapchat. I remember responding, “I don’t have Snapchat. I don’t want no nudes!” and then running away from what was probably a very sweet and harmless boy.Â
While that moment says more about my erratic 13-year-old tendencies than anything else, the sentiment behind my reaction still stands. Snapchat did not feel meaningful. It felt casual in a way that bordered on carelessness. Even at 13, I sensed it implied something shallow rather than something sincere.
According to a 2024 Social Rails report, Snapchat has 800 million monthly active users worldwide. Of those users, 38% are between 18 and 24 years old, and the average user age is 22. Within that age group, 52% are female and 48% are male. Snapchat is not a niche middle school app. It’s the primary communication channel for my generation.Â
Popularity, however, does not equate to meaning. Asking for someone’s Snapchat requires almost no risk. Messages disappear. Intentionality becomes optional. The platform creates space for minimal effort and ambiguous interest.Â
A phone number is different. Asking for a phone number requires a little more courage. It communicates intention and signals your willingness to be direct. It suggests that you are not looking for something that vanishes after 24 hours. It feels mature.Â
I tested this theory in a coffee shop while debating one of my guy friends, who is genuinely respectful and well-intentioned. I told him asking for a phone number was better, but he adamantly disagreed.Â
“Most girls would think that’s creepy,” he said.
I told him he was wrong. Most girls, I argued, would be flattered and appreciate the boldness.Â
He challenged me to prove it. If I was so confident, he said, I should walk up to a girl in the coffee shop and ask which she would rather be asked for: Snapchat or her phone number.
Confident, I approached a girl sitting a few tables away.Â
When I explained the debate and asked her preference, she answered “phone number” almost immediately. No hesitation. Just a simple, decisive response that reinforced exactly what I had been arguing.Â
The fear – even among well-meaning guys – of being perceived as “too direct” is largely imagined. Many women are not looking for subtlety or disappearing messages. They are looking for clarity. The assumption that boldness is unwelcome has quietly reshaped modern dating into something overly cautious and strangely impersonal.Â
Consider this a public service announcement: If you want something real, ask for her phone number. You will stand out – not because it is revolutionary, but because it is rare. And you might be surprised by how far a little intentionality can go…Â