Why I Think a Trio is Better Than a “Best Friend” and How to Make Them Work
Friendship trios tend to get a bad reputation—people often say they feel like a third wheel, are excluded and that balancing two friendships is harder than just one. However, it’s my opinion that a friendship trio can actually be a very healthy dynamic and in my experience, they often work out better than a friendship dyad. However, there are specific things that make them work, which I’ll discuss later in this article.
One of the reasons why I personally love a friendship trio is because it takes away some of the pressure and intensity I’ve felt in the past with one best friend. In a trio, different people can take on different roles, so you don’t always have to provide everything in the friendship. For instance, maybe one friend is always planning things for the three of you to do, another offers emotional support and someone else brings a fun, positive attitude to every function. And, there is a sense of closeness within a trio that you can’t necessarily get in a bigger friend group without the pressure of being someone’s best friend.
I also really enjoy a friendship trio because of the different perspectives you can get from both of your friends. You can get twice the amount of advice, support and care that you would from just one person within this kind of dynamic, which is great. Within a friendship trio that I am a part of, I find that hearing from both my friends when talking about my problems gives me a wider perspective and greater clarity on an issue. I also think the conversations we have as a trio are so much more interesting than the conversations I would have with just one friend.
So, how can you make sure that there aren’t feelings of exclusion or third wheeling in a friendship trio? In my experience, making group decisions together about what the trio is doing is key. Including everyone’s opinion is important to make sure no one feels left out.
While this may sound counterintuitive, I think that investing in the individual friendships within the trio is also important. Finding things you share with one friend in the group builds closeness, and it’s okay if you don’t also have that thing in common with the other friend. In the friendship trio I am in, I feel equally close to both of my friends, but in different ways. I recognize that they may share things I’m not a part of, and that’s healthy– we don’t have to do everything together. As long as one friend isn’t intentionally being left out or sidelined, I think it’s fine to share something with just one person in the trio.
The reason the friendship trio I’m in works so well is because we balance each other out very well. For instance, one of my friends is more adventurous than me, and another one is very set in her routine, whereas I fall somewhere in the middle. Things like these balance our friendship well—you don’t have to be perfectly similar to one another. In fact, I find that personality differences actually make the trio more fun and interesting to be a part of. And while you obviously can’t change your friends’ personalities, this sense of balance makes a trio work great, so it’s something to be aware of.
Something that seems obvious, but needs to be said, is that to make a trio work, gossiping should be very limited. Talking about one friend in the trio behind their back with the other friend can lead to weird alliances and resentment that can ultimately ruin the dynamic. Not gossiping in the context of this kind of friendship specifically is so important, especially because chances are the information may get back to the person being talked about.
Friendship trios are such a unique friendship dynamic that offer more than just one best friend can. They foster a sense of emotional closeness you can’t always get in a bigger group. Intentionality, awareness and healthy communication are required to make a trio work well, and if done right, friendship trios can be some of the most rewarding friendships.