Raising the Standard: High-Quality Relationships Require Your Buy-In

Jalyn Lankford

Valentine’s… a day traditionally for lovers and those who enjoy the February 15th candy sales. What’s not to like? A day made to celebrate your relationship. Yes, you can and should celebrate your partner every day, but you’ll hear “get a room” from all your friends. This day exists for you to be obnoxiously in love and let the whole world know who’s your boo. Let’s paint a picture. You receive your favorite flowers, or Lego version of such, and maybe a plushy or two. You go on a date fitting of your couple vibe. You end the day together with cuddles and sweet whispers. Whether you love ‘love’ or hate PDA, there’s no denying the magic in the air. So, when and why has affection become a conditional add-on? 

Take off the rose-tinted glasses, girl, as we deep dive into materialism, princess treatment, and raising the standard. 

Firstly, let’s get this out of the way: both partners should treat each other on Valentine’s Day. A relationship is built together and should be cherished together. For this conversation, I am focusing on the current relationship gripes surrounding gift-giving and efforts. Because let’s be real. This debate exists outside of February 14th. 

Adoration ≠ Materialism 

I have heard both family and my guy friends remark that if they gift their girlfriends expensive things, it will set the bar, and they will have to top it with every purchase. So, to reduce expectations, many of them put little to no thought into the gift. Perhaps it is unfair to demand expensive gifts for every occasion. After all, Valentine’s Day and other celebrations (i.e., anniversaries, birthdays, etc.) have become hyper-commercialized in our society, to the point that our intentions are measured by a price tag. And this has only compounded with unrealistic social media couple goals. Still, two things can be true at once: Receiving a card and flowers used to be enough, and if he wanted to, he would. Lowering the standard to dirt level makes receiving any flower seem considerate. Gifts can be weighed beyond monetary value. What is the meaning behind the present? How does it reflect your partner and how you think of them? Instead of focusing on $$$, consider the sentimental value that will not depreciate over time. 

What is Princess Treatment?

If you’ve been anywhere on TikTok, I am sure you’ve seen the Wavelength game. Two people take turns guessing where the other rated a topic. A popular area was Princess Treatment versus Bare Minimum. There’s no official definition, as it is very subjective, but generally speaking, Princess Treatment is seen as going above and beyond for your partner. These are not everyday actions, which is what makes the moment unique. Now, I want you to consider these questions from both the giver’s and the receiver’s perspectives.

1. Opening the door/pulling out the chair for your partner
2. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk
3. Driving your partner to the airport
4. Paying for dinner
5. Taking care of your partner when they’re sick 
6. Late-night conversations 

Are these things Princess Treatment or Bare Minimum? There’s no right or wrong answer, as it depends on your love language and whether you see these actions as special or standard. If you are someone who prefers quality time, then you’d rather binge your favorite show together than go on a shopping spree. Similarly, if you appreciate acts of service, your partner going to the grocery store for you will be the most meaningful. What matters is how we demand what we need and want in a relationship. If these things are your standard and openly expressed, then the expectation is that they will be met. 

The bigger concern is why there is such an issue with showering affection. If I choose to be in a relationship, I choose to be as vulnerable as possible with this person. I am choosing to expose my flaws and love theirs. When you develop such a deep connection, wouldn’t you naturally want to do more for your partner if possible? Since when did being particular become high maintenance, and when did high maintenance become a crime? It is nice to feel adored. 

Every relationship looks different, but it shares the same principle: love. How do you want your partner to comfort you in hardship and celebrate in your victories? How do you want to know they are thinking of you on a random Tuesday or, of course, on Valentine’s Day? Never beg for appreciation. Your worth is invaluable and deserving of the infamous Princess Treatment.

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