I graduated high school with just above a 2.9 GPA, and to be honest I’m embarrassed to even admit it.
I’m not quite sure how it happened, but in the last two years, I went from a girl who didn’t care if she got a C and did her homework in homeroom the day it was due to spending hours in the library and freaking out at the idea of getting a B.
Most of my high school teachers were under the impression that I just didn’t care about my grades. My friends thought I was hilarious because I was always a hot mess, and my parents were just sick and tired of me slacking.
Part of me really did care, but another part of me was just tired and burnt out. School never came easily to me, while everyone else thought my hot mess personality was what made me, me, it was the exact thing that made me wish I were literally anyone else.
I didn’t do my work because I didn’t care; I was overwhelmed, confused, and unsure how to ask for help.
College got better; I think I got through the first semester just because I was scared of messing up. In the second semester of freshman year, things started to go downhill.
While yes, I was still keeping up with my assignments, I started to experience that intense, overwhelming sense I felt in high school, I felt like every aspect of my life was a literal mess.
Part of me always knew I had ADHD; I even mentioned it to my parents once, but they shot me down. I think when people hear ADHD, they think of a hyperactive eight-year-old boy, not a 19-year-old college student who had over a 3.5 GPA.
It was actually my roommate at the time who helped me to realize it; she told me about how her sister had similar experiences to mine. Not to be dramatic or anything, but it was the first time I felt seen, like someone actually understood that I’m not lazy or unmotivated, I’m just struggling.
I slowly started coming to the realization that the intense anxiety and hecticness of my brain that I’ve experienced my entire life was not just something I had to accept and get over; I just had ADHD.
I’m not somebody who is sold on the idea of medication, but I also knew that life isn’t slowing down, and I need help tackling it.
I started taking meds last summer, and trust me, it took a hot minute to find out what worked for me. Then, last semester, I was slowly able to start to learn different ways to organize myself and do my classwork. I even got a hundred on a test for the first time ever and had my mom hang it up on our fridge at home.
I know a lot of people think ADHD is not a big deal, and on one hand, it isn’t. On the other hand, I spent years thinking I was just dumb and lazy when, in reality, I just needed a little help to get my shit together.
I have zero desire to be on meds forever, but I am always down to learn a new way to not be a total mess all the time.
I mean, I’m still a hot mess, but I lowkey love learning and having a routine now, which is something I could never have imagined in high school.