We live in a world where everyone is constantly performing. We perform who we want to be perceived as every single day. This isn’t to say we’re all fake, or that we’re all full of it- but rather to point out that we should choose to be ourselves.Â
Choosing truth over approval is single handedly the best way to choose yourself.Â
we’re all in boxes
Certain norms in society tell us what’s acceptable in certain situations. For example, people want you to be quiet, blend in, and only speak when spoken to. A lot of the time, these norms are appropriate and respectful, but the other half of the time- it feels like society is asking us to shrink. Abiding by these norms may give you a certain form of approval from those who are watching. This is comfort.Â
It makes a lot of sense to seek approval because that’s how we form our identities. We believe people when they make observations about us and we internalize them. I do this too, in no way am I the expert on authenticity. All I’m doing differently is being aware of it and trying. Because yes, seeking approval is natural, but hear me out though, what if you didn’t? And what if you didn’t care?
What if you said what’s real instead of what made people feel comfortable. People tell me all the time, “Frankie, you’re so yourself.” This used to give me pause, because duh? Now it gives me confidence.Â
What if we weren’t
I’m the loudest person in the room. I could talk to a brick wall for hours. I skip through very public places. I wear whatever I want. And yes, sometimes people think I’m weird, or even that I’m too much. I might even have made my ex boyfriend uncomfortable on a regular basis. Turns out, I don’t even care. I find it refreshing to speak freely, and I like it when I find other people who match my energy.Â
Living this way costs comfort. It may have costed me a relationship. It costs identities and boxes that people have tried to put you in to make sense of who you are. Realize this though, if you’re just you, what’s meant for you will find you 100 times over again. Stay loyal to your becoming and what doesn’t fit shouldn’t have in the first place. After all, if I spent my life performing, I wouldn’t really be happy with the people I ended up around. I wouldn’t really be happy with the validation I was getting because it was never really mine.Â
What other people think of you and project onto you isn’t really who you are. Its not what’s important. Do you really want to blend in? In this world of infinite possibilities, we should all try every day to be 1 of 1.Â
