The excitement to tell the people you love how much you love them should be a daily thing, but I think it’s nice that Valentine’s Day is a dedicated day to this sentiment (and we should embrace it more!)
It’s finally my favourite time of the year: Valentine’s Day! Growing up, I used to look forward to giving my classmates the Valentine’s cards I spent hours picking in the store (to the chagrin of my parents who had to patiently wait while I took my sweet time making a decision). Everything associated with Valentine’s Day was something that always meant so much to me, because I wanted to make it known just how much my friends and family meant to me–even if I couldn’t say those three words.
As someone who had (and somewhat continues to have) trouble verbalizing and saying the words “I love you,” I often wondered if my love for Valentine’s Day was widely performative. That was until I discovered what “love languages” were. Embarrassingly, I didn’t really understand the concept of “love languages” until I got to university. Only after reading about them did I feel a bit reassured that there are different ways to show affection: you don’t always have to say, “I love you.”
So, in the spirit of my favourite holiday coming up, I wanted to focus on the three love languages that I believe are the ways I show love to those in my life.
- . ACTS OF SERVICE
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Acts of service are exactly as the name sounds: actions that you do that demonstrate the appreciation that you have for someone. It’s more than just doing the things you’re expected to do—I feel like it’s more about doing small (or large) things that help the other person on your own volition. Being someone who displays love through actions is something that can be difficult to explain, especially when the acts are entirely altruistic, but the ease and joy on the other person’s face is so worth it.
I love it when my friends and family feel as though their workload is lightened simply because I chose to do a task without a second thought.
- . GIFT GIVING
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Gift giving, despite the name, doesn’t solely involve buying something to give to someone for the sake of doing so! It’s about the intention and the thought behind the gift you’re presenting to someone. I think this love language, specifically, comes from the excitement I have when I buy myself things that align with my hobbies and interests. I want to create that same excitement for the important people in my life, making them feel appreciative that their niche interests are remembered by me. However, it’s also important to remember that gift giving doesn’t always involve money! If I know my best friend would appreciate a handmade Bob’s Burgers birthday card, you best believe I will pour my heart and soul into making it happen. Even handmade gifts, tailored to the person receiving them, are cherished!
(SIDE NOTE: This love language probably explains my thorough process of choosing themed Valentine cards I would give to my classmates in elementary school!)
- . QUALITY TIME
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Quality time, quality time, quality time! In a world where it feels like there’s never enough time in a 24-hour day, this love language is one that I cherish the most. Quality time extends beyond vegging out together on the couch (even though there’s nothing wrong with that!) It’s more about giving your undivided attention and focus when you are spending time with someone you love. For example, when I’m visiting my best friend back home, the time we spend together rarely involves our phones because we much rather savour the time we have face-to-face—I mean, our FaceTime calls aren’t going anywhere! When time feels like it’s always running out, I just want to make sure the central people in my life know how much I value the time I spend with them—it doesn’t even matter what we’re doing.
At the end of the day, my love for Valentine’s day isn’t solely about pink hearts, or expensive chocolates, or it being a “corporate holiday.” It’s about intention and choosing to show up for the people I love in the ways that feel the most natural to me. Love doesn’t have to be perfectly worded to be real. Sometimes, it’s in the small actions, the shared moments, and the effort we make to say “I love you” in our own way.
Now that is something worth celebrating. <3
SOURCES
couragepsych. (n.d.). 5 Love Languages. Cultivating Courage – Psychological Services. https://www.couragepsych.com/5-love-languages/
Vaughn Counselling and Psychotherapy. (2024, January 12). The Five Love Languages. Vaughan Counselling & Psychotherapy. https://www.vaughanpsychotherapist.com/blog/the-five-love-languages