University has a way of making romance feel like a group project you forgot to sign up for, or an experience that without it you didn’t have the “university experience of a lifetime.”
You arrive with a new schedule, a fresh tote bag, and the quiet belief that this will be the era where everything clicks. The meet-cute in the lecture hall. The slow burn over coffee. The person you accidentally sit beside who somehow becomes your favourite part of the week. Is it obvious that my guilty pleasure is a romance book?
Then suddenly it is the first week of classes and everyone is paired off. Holding hands on campus. Soft launching on social media. Calling someone their person after two dates. And you are standing there like… was there an orientation session for this that I missed?
I walked into university convinced this would be my moment. Not because I had never wanted a relationship before, but because the situation never really happened in high school, and the people around me just did not match my vibe back home. New city. New faces. New possibilities. It felt inevitable. I was so sure I was going to have that moment that every 18-year-old girl has in those coming-of-age movies. Then October came. Nothing.
Meanwhile, people were coupling up at record speed. Most of them broke up by December if they lasted that long, but at the time that detail did not matter. Watching everyone else fall into something while you are still eating alone between classes and buying your own coffees does something to your brain. It makes you question whether you are behind. Whether you are missing out. It does not. But I did not know that yet, and you might not either. Unfortunately, no book, video, or parental talk discussed this.
Then I met someone, and I felt like I was catching up again.
When the Title Feels Better Than the Relationship
We went on one date. The next time we saw each other, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Now listen. Maybe that works for some people. Maybe sparks fly and timing aligns, and suddenly, you are in a rom-com montage. I am not here to ruin anyone’s fantasy.
For me, that should have been my first internal eyebrow raise. It was a red flag I politely folded and put in my pocket because I was excited about the idea. My first relationship. The label. I’m telling my friends and family. I finally reached the “I get to relate to these songs” feeling! I loved saying I was in a relationship, more than I loved actually being in it, which in hindsight is… incredibly telling.
He was nice, but the relationship felt dull. Like we skipped the getting to know you stage and jumped straight into expectations. Inside, I was not that into it. And that is such a strange place to sit, across from someone who technically fits the role while realizing the role matters more to you than the person. It’s an out-of-body experience truly. We were not compatible. We had different interests, different values and very different outlooks on life. He once told me he was better than me because he did not go to university, which is a sentence that should end any debate immediately.
He wanted constant texting and calling even though he worked from five A.M. to four P.M. I had school and a job too. Every busy afternoon made me anxious. Every unanswered message felt like I was failing an invisible test. He told me I was “neglecting him” and suddenly I was bending my entire schedule trying to prove I cared.
After a month and a half, I was exhausted. Stressed. Overthinking. Carrying the emotional labour of keeping something alive that I was not even sure I wanted, but too scared to be the one to break up.
That is when it hit me. I did not actually want this relationship. I wanted the experience. I wanted to say I had one. I wanted to feel caught up. I wanted to check a box I thought adulthood required. Those are not the same thing.
Asking Yourself the Questions That Actually Matter
Here is the part we do not slow down enough to do. We do not ask ourselves why we want to be with someone in the first place. Especially when Valentine’s Day is creeping closer and suddenly everything in every store is pink and heart-shaped and screaming romance.
So, pause. Be honest. Do you like them or do you just like not being single anymore? Are you excited about this person or excited to finally have something to post? Do you feel calm with them or mostly anxious about keeping them interested? Does this fit into your life right now, or are you rearranging your entire routine to make it work? Are you entering this relationship because you genuinely want to build something or because you are tired of feeling behind?
Before you jump into the first thing that comes along, look at your life properly. Your schedule. Your mental space. Your friendships. Your goals. Your energy. Your patience. Do a full 360 of yourself and your environment.
Relationships are not just cute dates and good morning texts. They are time. Emotional availability. Communication. Compromise. Sometimes conflict. If you are already running on caffeine, deadlines and little sleep, adding another person into that mix is not always romantic. Sometimes it is just overwhelming.
Breaking things off was the right decision for me. I do not regret it. It taught me about boundaries, pacing, and listening to that quiet inner voice instead of drowning it out with excitement and naivety. I realized that in this season of my life, I do not have the time, patience, energy or emotional space to show up for someone in the way a healthy relationship requires. That is not a failure. That is self-awareness.
Learning That Single Does Not Mean Missing Out
What surprised me most after ending it was how much lighter I felt. How much I enjoyed my days again. How much more fun I was having with my friends. Late night talks. Random dinners. Study sessions that turned into laughing fits. How peaceful my solo time felt. Walking to class with music in my ears. Sitting in cafés alone. Being fully focused on my own routines and goals.
I was happier than I had been in that relationship, and that told me everything. It proved that I was not craving partnership as much as I was craving the idea of partnership. I liked my life more without forcing something into it that did not fit.
Being single is not a waiting room for real life to start. It is still your life. A full one. A growing one. One where you are becoming someone, learning what you deserve and deciding what kind of love even makes sense for you.
A Valentine’s Day Reality Check
So, with Valentine’s Day around the corner, here is my gentle suggestion: do not scramble to find a boo-thang just so you can get chocolates.
Do not rush into something just to have someone to post or be posted with. Buy yourself the chocolate. Have a Galentine’s or Broentine’s (making this a thing!). Do something thoughtful for your friends, your family, the people who love you deeply even if it is not romantic. Go out to dinner. Watch movies together. Write little notes. Make memories that will actually last longer than a rushed situationship.
You will feel good. You will not have regrets. And you might realize you are already surrounded by love in ways that matter just as much. Sometimes the most attractive thing you can say is not yes. It is not right now. Your timing matters. Your peace matters. And the right relationship will never feel like a checklist item. It will feel like a choice. One you actually want to make.