I believe some of the most intense examples of yearning live on our screens and bookshelves. Movies, shows, and novels have a way of capturing that quiet, aching desire that feels almost too big to name. I’ve definitely been guilty of romanticizing fictional men (as discussed in my Lover in the Margins: Do Book Boyfriends Really Exist? article), because there’s something magnetic about longing that’s never rushed.
There’s Mr. Darcy, and the way his feelings seem to exist entirely in his glances in Pride and Prejudice. There’s Noah Calhoun, whose love in The Notebook feels raw, persistent, and all-consuming. And of course, more recently, there’s Conrad Fisher, whose unspoken emotions in The Summer I Turned Pretty have practically turned emotional restraint into a personality trait. These characters don’t just fall in love… they ache, hesitate, and hold back, and somehow that makes the yearning feel even louder.
The art of yearning
But what is yearning, really? Yearning isn’t anything new. It’s been around long before modern dating, long before social media, and long before we even had a word for it. At its core, yearning is an intense longing, often for something unattainable – just beyond our grasp, already lost, or not yet meant for us. It’s so deeply human that it’s become an archetype in literature, woven into stories again and again because it mirrors real emotion so closely.
So why is it such a big deal to people – or at least to me? Maybe it’s because I’m old-school when it comes to romance. I love the pining, the waiting, the buildup to the right moment. I love the classic idea of courtship, which I admittedly put on a pedestal in my own expectations of love. Maybe it’s because I’ve been consumed with all these classic romcoms that don’t quite exist in the same way nowadays. Or maybe it’s rooted in my Filipino culture of courtship – in traditions like harana, that kind of love being expressed through patience, intention, and effort. Regardless of where it comes from, the essence of yearning remains the same. It’s no surprise that we keep saying, “bring back yearning.”
I’ve consumed more rom-coms than I can count, and if there’s one thing this genre understands well, it’s yearning. Looking back at the great rom-coms like My Best Friend’s Wedding, Bridget Jones’s Diary, and When Harry Met Sally, it becomes clear that yearning is at the heart of them all; the emotional backbone of these stories. From lingering looks and almost confessions to missed timing and slow realizations, classic rom-coms thrive in anticipation. Beyond the classic depictions of this genre, yearning is found across books, films, and shows because it mirrors how real love unfolds.
Men Who Yearn (and Why We Love Them)
Men who yearn are men who earn. It is not perfection that makes them compelling, but the depth of their desire that shapes their character, their choices, and their entire narratives. Their appeal comes from their vulnerability, emotional openness, and genuine willingness to commit to relationships.
Some of my personal favorite yearners include:
- Noah Calhoun (The Notebook) – The dedication to write a letter for 365 days straight and to build her dream house even after they broke up says everything. He never stopped loving her. Now that’s devotion.
- Conrad Fisher (The Summer I Turned Pretty) – I’ve seen those TikTok edits of heartbroken Conrad standing on the sidelines as his love and his brother plan their wedding. The fan-made parallels between Conrad and Noah in front of the house only deepen that ache, showing how his love lies in what he doesn’t say and in the way he constantly holds himself back.
- The Men of Bridgerton – Now, where should I even begin? Every season sets your heart ablaze. Simon Basset’s burning heart that keeps him up at night; Anthony Bridgerton’s deepest desire, unable to live a life without her; Collin Bridgerton’s sincerity, finding purpose in life simply by loving her; and King George’s soul-consuming love, so intense he can hardly breathe when she isn’t near. Each new season has me clutching my pearls.
- Patrick Verona (10 Things I Hate About You) – To this day, I still haven’t recovered from Heath Ledger singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.” The very silliness, effort, and confidence of that moment make everything feel giddy and unforgettable.
- Dave Rygalski (Gilmore Girls) – Soft-spoken, earnest, and quietly devoted. He was always caring, with bonus points for understanding the strict mother control that came with the relationship, and wanting the mother’s approval of him before anything else. I mean, who reads an entire Bible in one night for you?
- Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby) – Everyone idealizes the American Dream, but his was centered on winning the woman he loved. Maybe that’s the danger, falling in love with the past more than the person standing in front of you. Across the bay, he kept chasing the green light, convinced it was calling his name.
- Erik (The Phantom) (The Phantom of the Opera) – A lingering obsession that does not cease, a love that never dies. He lurks in the shadows, loving from a distance and believing that music is the only way his soul can be understood. He longs not just for love, but for acceptance: for someone to see past the mask and hear him for who he truly is.
- Orpheus (Hadestown) – He loves so deeply that he would travel all the way down to the Underworld just to bring her home. He walks miles and miles, days and days, never turning around… until love itself becomes the reason he does. Not because he doubts her, but because he loves her enough to need to know she’s still there. I think that says more than enough.
It’s this kind of yearning – patient, intentional, and emotionally invested – that changes my standards. It reminds me that love shouldn’t feel rushed and careless.
to keep waiting
While yearning may not always manifest in the same way in modern dating, it still exists and remains important. If anything, it serves as a reminder to never settle for less than intentional love. Maybe they’re waiting quietly for you while your heart is still healing from someone else. Maybe they want to show you the kind of love you deserve, not the love you once accepted simply because you thought that was all you could have. Maybe they surprise you in the ways they show up when you least expect them. Maybe they continue to choose effort and willingness, even when they stumble, fall back, or don’t get it right the first time. Maybe they keep choosing you, even when life gets heavy and you try to push them away.
Yearning teaches us that wanting something so deeply isn’t a weakness. It’s living proof that we care, that we hope, and that we believe love is worth waiting for.