In a world that measures worth through popularity and approval, being liked can seem like the ultimate goal. But there is something quieter, something far more meaningful, than being well-received.
It’s the feeling of being understood. Unlike surface-level acceptance, understanding requires patience and honesty. And while many people may offer approval, far fewer will take the time to truly understand.
I am the first to admit that I want to be liked. I want the invitation. I want the group chats. I crave the approval.
For most of my life, I put my self-worth into how others perceived me. I felt the weight of being left out like a bowling ball sitting on my chest. I did everything I could to fit in. I hid the parts of me that mattered in order to conform to what I thought the people around me wanted to see.
If I wasn’t included, it had to mean that I wasn’t good enough to be included. Right?
It took getting to my senior year of high school to finally gain some perspective. Due to health reasons, I had been out of public school since the beginning of my junior year. When I showed back up first day of senior year, I realized these people I had grown up with didn’t really know me at all.
I had changed. I had grown. I had spent so long being myself without the fear of fitting in at school, and I didn’t want to return to being the shell of myself that all of these people had come to see as me. I realized that the version of me they knew was built from who I thought I needed to be, not who I was.
I decided I didn’t want to perform anymore. I didn’t want to shrink or soften just to be easier to accept. For the first time, I understood that fitting in didn’t have to come at the cost of hiding, because everyone was trying to navigate the same feelings and fears I was.
Being understood, I learned, is not loud. It doesn’t come with instant validation or constant reassurance. It shows up in smaller ways. In conversations where you don’t have to explain yourself twice, in moments where silence feels safe and easy, instead of awkward. Understanding is rare, and it is so very valuable.
With time, I realized that everyone has a similar uphill battle. Almost everyone wants to be liked, and it’ll come naturally to some and may never come to others. But there is beauty in knowing that someone likes you for who you are, not who you pretend to be, so it is important not to shrink yourself down for the sole purpose of being liked.
So no, not everyone will understand me, and I can guarantee that not everyone will like me. And I am finally okay with that. I no longer measure my worth by who notices me and who doesn’t. I measure it by how fully I can be myself. I measure it by the laughter and tears I can share with the people who know me to my fullest extent.
I still want to be liked. That part of me hasn’t disappeared, and probably never will. But now I also want something deeper. I want to be known. I want to be understood—not by everyone, but by the people who are willing to look past the surface and see what actually matters.
And that kind of understanding is something I no longer chase, because it finds me when I stop hiding.