Over the past few months, it feels like everywhere I look, people are joking about “nonchalance” or leaning into the quiet, mysterious girl trope. It made me stop and wonder: why do we want to be so detached, and when did indifference become a virtue?
Being “nonchalant” has become a way to avoid vulnerability; to never seem too invested, too eager, or, worst of all, too needy. We’ve learned that caring openly is risky, so instead we pretend not to care at all.
We’ve become so obsessed with playing it cool that we’ve disconnected ourselves from one another. If everyone is trying to be mysterious and emotionally distant, who’s actually initiating the conversation? Making friends in college is awkward enough, and layering performative nonchalance on top of that only makes genuine connections harder. People dampen their enthusiasm, careful not to appear too excited or emotionally present, leaving little room for the kind of deep, authentic relationships that actually make friendships meaningful.
Every interaction becomes a delicate balancing act between seeming interested and staying laid-back. Ironically, this performance takes far more conscious effort than authenticity ever could. It strips joy down into something palatable and manageable, but joy isn’t supposed to be something palatable. It’s meant to be messy, sincere, unapologetic, and felt fully.
The Effect of Nonchalance
This unspoken agreement that nothing can matter too much seeps into every way we socialize: how we text and how we post. Reply too fast, and you seem desperate; reply too slow, and you seem disinterested. Post too often and you’re self-obsessed; post too little, and you’re irrelevant. Captions must be witty but effortless, enthusiasm carefully measured, presence felt but never overwhelming. Every interaction becomes a calculation. Pretending not to care, ironically, takes far more effort than caring ever did.
What is all this effort for? A vague sense of normalcy? To be liked rather than loved?
Without vulnerability, we risk missing out on the connections that make life worth living. Today, enjoying something earnestly is almost suspicious; everything must be filtered through irony or intellectual distance. God forbid you admit to liking a pop song without dissecting its subversive cultural influence. God forbid you enjoy something simply because it makes you happy. Who cares? Own it.
Countering Nonchalance
I’ll celebrate movies that move me, even if they’re not critically acclaimed or culturally subversive, but because I like them.
I’ll reply to texts quickly if I feel like it, because I refuse to treat human connection like a game of emotional chess. Since we as humans are made to care, it’s not our greatest flaw but our greatest strength. It’s human to care, and entirely robotic to be indifferent. I care about everything, perhaps even too deeply, and I’m so full of love to give.
Some people possess a natural warmth, as if a light shines through everything they do. You feel it in the way they listen, the way they smile, and the way they make you feel seen. They’re rare, but when you find them, you realize they make life brighter simply by existing. They care openly, they show up fully, and they remind you that sincerity is magnetic. Be the warmth that people need.
Every once in a while, someone will break the script. Someone hugs you “just because.” Someone is unapologetically embarrassing. Someone wears clothes that don’t match but feel right. Then suddenly, you remember that life isn’t meant to be lived at arm’s length.
You weren’t put on this earth to dim yourself or become a copy-and-paste version of someone else. You were put here to be passionate. You were meant to find joy in small things, give the best hugs, celebrate loudly, and be the warmth you wish existed in the world. The love you put out matters.
So please, be a little crazy. Be a little loud. Walk the wrong way. Talk too much. Don’t blend in. Become the kind of unapologetic, wholehearted person who makes it easier for others to do the same. The kind who proves just by living that caring isn’t a flaw.
It’s our greatest strength.
Want to see more HCFSU? Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Pinterest!