I got to college four months ago, and it feels like itās been ten years. College completely flipped my life upside down. I didnāt have my friends, I didnāt have my family, I had a new roommate, and literally every aspect of my life changed. Everyone told me things would be different when I got here, but I didnāt truly believe them. I know it hasnāt been long, but Iāve already changed so much as a person, and I want to talk about it because while the process hasnāt been pretty, I have no regrets.
Part 1: The Shitshow
When I first got to college, I came in with so many ideas of what it would be like. When you tell someone youāre headed off to college, they always chip in with their experience which inevitably creates expectations. My parents didnāt love college, but I have family friends who constantly referred to it as āThe best time of your life!ā The thing that no one tells you: you donāt start at the best part. I had just finished unpacking, my dorm was all set up and cute, my family was gone, and I sat on my bed with excitement. Thatās when I realized I was completely alone. I didnāt have anyone to talk to, hang out with, hug, or just be around. It was very lonely at first. I really struggled to not have my support system just a minute away. All of my expectations came crashing down as I realized I had no friends yet and would have to go out and make them. Not to mention college is also school, and school is a grind.Ā
I had a typical āWelcome Week friend groupā that I hung out with the whole first week and havenāt really seen since. Itās not because I donāt like them, I think theyāre amazing people, I just donāt have a single class with them and our schedules donāt align. Luckily, I ended up finding friends that stuck, who I end up seeing every day now. I also joined clubs and Phi Rho, a women in STEM sorority. The biggest constant in all of this is that I was uncomfortable a LOT. I had to meet so many different people, and I didnāt have a previous friend to go with. Everything was new, and I was constantly in situations alone where I would have to actually talk to people. Donāt get me wrong, itās not like I could never do that before. Itās just that I had to do it every single day now, with almost every interaction. And let me tell you, I got tired pretty fast of the same five questions you ask everyone before you run out of topics.Ā
It was so uncomfortable, and looking back I cringe a little bit at my interactions. At the same time, Iāve noticed that now walking into a room alone having to talk to completely new people doesnāt scare me at all. Iām so much more comfortable with myself, I have more confidence and Iāve learned that not every interaction is going to be detrimental if it goes wrong. You meet people, maybe theyāll stick, maybe they wonāt, but itās nice to go around campus and know that I can talk to a lot of different people without worry.
Part 2: Academic Victim
Donāt judge me too much, but when I thought of college I was mostly focused on the social aspect and kind of disregarded the academic part. I went in thinking, āitās only the first semester, how hard can it be?ā Famous last words ā that girl was delusional and I donāt know where she got that idea. Sure it wasnāt horrible at the beginning, but it just got harder and harder and I wasnāt putting any extra effort in. I was so in my head about the social aspect that I started to mentally distance myself from school. I was drowning in assignments, tests, and social obligations. It was a great trajectory to burnout, and thatās exactly what happened.Ā
I reached what was clearly a make or break point. Either I could continue to push myself past my limits socially and academically and suffer, or I could recognize that Iāve taken on too much and I need to re-evaluate. I chose the second one, thank goodness. I remembered (which is so easy to forget) that Iām here for school and I needed to manage my time better. I stopped saying yes to everything, dropped a couple clubs, and fixed my sleep schedule. Everything is about balance, and I didnāt completely focus on school while discarding everything else, but I fixed my obligations to find a better middle point. I still go out with friends and belong to a couple of clubs (shout out HCCU), but Iām careful not to overdo it. Iām still human and make mistakes or overcommit sometimes, but not nearly as much as I did at the start of the semester.
I didnāt get to CU long ago, this is only my first semester and I have a long way to go, but I feel like Iāve changed a lot already for the better. Iām learning more about myself, and meeting amazing people along the way. Iām excited to see what the future holds for me, and I truly believe that college is a great way to discover yourself.