In the modern workplace, women are poised, passionate, and contribute in an intelligent and meaningful way. If all of these statements are true, then why do we continue to doubt ourselves and our abilities to contribute productively? Why do we lower our voices in meetings? Why do we doubt our achievements when our resumes are overflowing with successes? These questions are all addressed and combated in Paula Mathias’ thoughtful and affirming book, Speak Up: How Women Can Build Confidence, Be Heard at Work, and Take Charge of their Careers. Mathias lays out the differences in how women and men approach situations at work, affirms that the negative voice in our heads is an unfounded obstacle, and urges women to take up space in every professional setting we’re in. This book is composed of practical tips that allow reflection on your own personal or professional life, and urges women to stop putting themselves on the back burner and invest in themselves.
Confidence is Built, Not Born
The illusion of confidence is widely misconstrued, and there’s a common misconception that the uber-confident individual you’re probably thinking of right now is born with that effortless charisma. The real truth is that confidence is a learned skill that takes practice, but when mastered, can become one of the greatest skills in your toolbox. Mathias lays out a scenario of a girl named Megan who went overboard when preparing for a work meeting, and anticipated sharing key points to her boss and impressing them with her research and contributions. By the time the meeting came, Megan’s low confidence inhibited her from sharing all of the impressive points she had prepared. She felt drowned out by her colleague’s voices and was scared and stuck. I’m sure that a lot of you reading can relate to that paralyzing feeling. Mathias cited a finding from McKinsey & Company’s “Women in the Workplace 2024” report that found that “women are far less likely than men to speak up in workplace settings, even when they have knowledgeable, valuable contributions to make.” Mathias highlights that this behavior comes from deep rooted societal expectations for women to be agreeable rather than assertive, and when women become assertive, they can be labeled as “bossy” or “difficult,” but this is not the narrative to live by. The confidence gap between women and men starts long before actually working—in the application phase. Mathias illustrated that men are far more likely to apply for jobs where they meet some of the qualifications, whereas women only apply if they meet all of the requirements. This difference is not a matter of skill or ability, but rather confidence. Mathias insists that if there’s one key takeaway from her book, it’s this: “your life is a precious, one-time opportunity to pursue what’s meaningful to you. Don’t let outside forces or fear stop you from achieving your unique success.” Additionally, Mathias writes that she’s witnessed firsthand transformations with women combating confidence issues in the workplace and there are three key elements that contribute. The first is to overcome fear, the second is to advocate for yourself, and the third is to set and strategically achieve goals.
Take Up Space!
A key part of being assertive in the workplace is to listen to your wise inner voice and ignore the fearful critic in your other ear. We all know the critic in our ear, the one who says, “You’re going to sound stupid if you say that” or “Who are you to speak up?” This voice can stand in the way of your growth, and taking a proactive approach to minimizing this voice is ultimately the best decision you can make. Luckily, in this book, Mathias lays out actionable steps you can take to confront this voice, listen to your inner fears, and combat the unfounded lies with truths. Firstly, she advises the reader to take out a journal and write down a belief that the negative voice is saying, and then write down an example that disproves this. Then, turn this belief into a new narrative and an affirmation that you can believe in. She also urges you to set goals for yourself and keep yourself accountable to share insights for future work meetings. Ultimately, believe that your voice deserves to be heard and valued by your peers.
After Mathias addresses that negative voice we all have in our head, she prompts readers to be resilient and face failure head-on. I think that often as women, and especially as college students, we place too much weight on the concept of failure. We haven’t had a long enough life to experience many massive failures, so failure feels daunting to us. Mathias describes resilience as not only being gritty, but also being kind to yourself and recognizing how far you’ve come. She touches on a concept called a growth mindset, which is coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, and compares the differences between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. A fixed mindset is a thought that will not budge, and often has little confidence, such as: ‘I can’t do this job.’ However, a growth mindset acknowledges the place you’re currently at and recognizes where you want to be. This is more like: ‘I can’t do this job right now, but I will learn to and eventually be able to.’ The simple change in attitude makes such a difference and is a mindset switch that anyone can benefit from.
Be Your Biggest Cheerleader
I want you to think of the busiest woman in your life. Does she work full time, have three kids, attend every parent-teacher conference, put dinner on the table every night, and still manage to wake up and do it all over again? This is the reality for many women, and in our society, we’re praised for stretching ourselves too thin. We’re praised for burnout and often deemed selfish if we ask for requests or accommodations. Like I’ve said, women are often told to be agreeable and to not make requests that could benefit us. The point is to advocate for yourself and make yourself a priority. Oftentimes, women can fall into a mindset called “imposter syndrome” and we forget what we deserve. Advocacy comes with boundaries, and setting boundaries early and firmly contributes to assertiveness and helps you to avoid burnout. Realistically you’re going to be more of an enjoyable and content person if you’re not answering emails at midnight and skipping family dinners to stay late at work. Some may think this blurred work-life balance contributes to higher productivity, but actually separating your life and work leads to more stable emotions and higher efficiency. Beyond that, Mathias inspires women to build a personal brand, hone in on their passions, and recognize when they’re in a flow. The steps to defining your brand are to first identify your goals, your strengths, and your passions, and then define your unique value proposition; what sets you apart from others in your field. Finally, create a mission statement, which is a compilation of your purpose and your values. Ultimately, she encourages women to stay authentic, to continue to build their personal brand, and to stay on track towards their goals. Track your success, celebrate your achievements, and ensure that you write down even the smallest successes, and keep investing in yourself every single day.
The Speak Up book is a toolkit that I never knew I needed. The affirmations mixed with the practical tips and guides motivates me to make myself heard in the classroom, in the workplace, and in my personal life. Mathias crafted this book so that women could tear down the barriers and obstacles they place for themselves, and to help women everywhere invest in themselves and their passions. Mathias reflected on her book and stated that, “Speak Up was born from my own story. I know what it’s like to stay quiet and hope hard work will speak for itself. Finding my courage and voice helped me take back my power and now I’m on a mission to help every woman do the same.” I highly recommend this book to any woman who has felt invisible in the conference room, felt like her dreams were dumb, or to a woman who is scared to take the first leap on a career venture. We deserve to be in every professional space we occupy, and have more-than-valuable insights to share.
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