I am going to let you in on a secret: nothing is for certain. Everything is open to change. Perhaps that’s what makes life so interesting. So, if you are graduating this spring and afraid of what is to come, let me assure you when I say that you are not alone in your fears. It is a perfectly normal feeling; one that characterizes the start of something brilliant.
Focus on what you can control
It’s easy to get lost ruminating about the future. We would all like to control the outcomes of our efforts, but the unfortunate truth is that it is out of our hands. Questions like, “Will I get that job I applied for?” or “Will I get accepted into the graduate program of my choice?” are natural to ask, and can often become overwhelming and anxiety-provoking quickly. It is thus important to focus on what we can control.
- Start by making note of your overall goal. Although it may not seem apparent at first glance, there are often different ways to achieve the same final outcome. Instead of being fixated on a certain graduate program or job, try asking yourself where you would like to see yourself in the years to come.
- Map out all your options. Make sure you look into every path possible, even if it isn’t your first choice. Remember, knowledge is power and that it never hurts to build awareness. It’s always better to have explored all possibilities than to have missed a good opportunity just because it wasn’t what you initially envisioned for yourself.
- Have a back up to your back up. Always have a plan B and C. Having a backup plan does not mean that you are giving up on your goal, but rather that you are creating a road map of how to try again, should you not make it the first time. If you are applying to medical school and are afraid of having to take a gap year, ask yourself how you would spend that gap year should it become reality. If you are applying to your dream organization, ask yourself what attracted you to it in the first place and if there are other places that you can apply to that will give you the same satisfaction. Remember that it is never really over until you declare it is.
- Finally, stay positive. This is perhaps the hardest step to follow. It is human nature to jump to the worst-case scenario and internalize it as our reality, so I implore you to trust in your efforts. Trust that you have done everything in your power and that life has a plan for you.
Invest in your support system
In times of uncertainty, it is important to have people who remind you that you are loved and supported, regardless of what happens in the future. While it may seem tempting to isolate yourself when stressed, or sacrifice your social life completely during application season, remind yourself to strike a healthy balance.
I personally find it helpful to ensure that I have some form of social interaction everyday. This could be speaking with my family for thirty minutes over the phone, or even just working in the silent company of friends. Staying connected with your loved ones will remind you that you are not alone. There are people who care for you regardless of your academic or career-related successes. They love you for simply being you–something that we may struggle to feel for ourselves.
Besides small daily interactions, plan weekly social interactions where you put your worries aside to truly live in the moment with your friends, significant other, or family. Have a dinner together where you put your phone on silent, or grab a coffee to discuss the frivolous things in life. Be sure to ask about their lives and tell them about yours. There is a unique happiness that only a good conversation can bring.
At the end of the day, a good support system will remind you that you are not alone in your struggles. It will also allow you to be that reminder for someone else.
Don’t forget to care for yourself
Your mind and body are the mediums through which you achieve your goals. Just like you care for your car by changing its oil every couple of thousand miles, your mind and body need to be cared for during this difficult time.
This may seem obvious, but it is something we often forget: eat. Your body needs fuel to perform. A meal is not something you need to earn, or something that is worth sacrificing because you are too busy to take the time out to have it. Pushing off a meal is something I find myself doing more than I would like to admit. Telling myself that I will eat only after I finish a certain application or after I have completed studying for a certain midterm. To combat this mindset, I have started scheduling my lunch and dinner breaks to ensure that I treat my body with the respect it deserves.
Another habit that I have found vital to my selfcare routine is making time for exercise. As someone who has never really been a super physically active person, I can understand how going to the gym or taking that fitness class may not be your first priority. However, trust me when I say it is worth those two to three hours from your week. Positive physical exertion can improve your sleep and create the mental stamina to keep working towards your goals. You are worth that time and so is your body for all that it does for you.
This may seem counter-intuitive, but remember to take a moment to just be. Take some time for yourself. This could be through watching your favorite TV show, pampering yourself with your favorite skincare and bath products, engaging in your favorite hobby, or curling up by the window with your favorite book. It could even be just lying on your bed and staring at the ceiling. Essentially, what you are doing is taking a pause. A pause to regain your surroundings and composure. A pause to remember and appreciate the little joys of life.
Discard or take space from what is no longer serving you
Make a conscious effort to understand how various aspects of your life affect you. Sometimes I find myself feeling drained at the end of the day with no clear reason as to why, only to later realize that I was watching a show that was taking a toll on my mind or listening to a particularly sad playlist. At times, I also realize that I have been investing time into a relationship that brings me more sadness than it does happiness.
I ask you to make an active note of these things, because graduation is already a stressful time, and we may be unknowingly adding to it our anxieties by continuing with habits that no longer add to our lives in a positive manner. Sometimes they may be something we do not engage in consciously and are easy to break, like in the case of the music we listen to. Other times, they may be harder to let go off like in the case of an unhealthy relationship or negative loops of thought.
Irrespective of the nature of these habits, thoughts, or relationships, remember to put your well-being first. Identify ways you can take space to protect your mental peace and know that it is never selfish to draw healthy boundaries with others and and even yourself.
next time you are afraid of what tomorrow will bring…
Remember that all you have is now–now to do all you can. Now to give to those you love and receive the same. Now to care for yourself, but most importantly, now to remember that the best is yet to come.
