Here we are again. Hate week. One could say this is the biggest college rivalry in the country. Ohio State against Michigan, and all eyes are on who will win the game on November 29th. But, while we are all waiting for the big matchup, let’s think of some commonalities that exist between these two schools.
Everyone has a story. Whether it was a talking stage gone bad, or a strange date with that one guy from your French class, dating horror stories are unlimited on both college campuses. We collected some of our favorites to share, showing that while we may hate each other, we at least have some bad experiences in common.
Story #1 : The zillow Stalker
If UMich is known for anything, it’s high standards… But it’s best to keep those standards low when it comes to the dating scene. Our first story comes from a Michigan student whose casual hookup quickly turned into something straight out of YOU, Joe Goldberg and everything.
“I dated this guy for about three weeks, and the red flags showed up almost immediately. He admitted to stalking my social media, finding my Her Campus articles and LinkedIn, and even looking up my house on Zillow.
Months later, I found out our first date happened the day before his girlfriend broke up with him. After we ended things, he went right back to her and lied about me, even though we were seeing each other at the same time.
The worst part was hearing his voice notes where he called her sadness ‘annoying’ and said he didn’t feel bad at all. That’s when I realized he never actually cared about either of us.”
If this girl turned this into a movie, she’d win an Oscar.
Story #2 : The roblox troll
If I’ve learned one thing about first dates, it is to never have them at an Ohio State dining hall. Just bad luck all around. Unfortunately for our next student, that lesson had to be learned the hard way.
“We ate at Scott’s and he took me back to his dorm that reeked of old spice. He sat down at his desk and played Roblox, trolling little kids. Then he showed me the tampon he uses as a butt plug and a pad he uses to stroke it. Both were stolen from the community supplies in the bathroom. Diabolical.
I will never enter Raney again without horrid flashbacks. It was the first and last time we met.
Upon blocking him, I received more threatening messages from his friend’s numbers. I was told they would never stop because ‘I was a bitch.’ I ended up getting a new phone number and the texts continued. This lowkey freaked me out, but I never responded and blocked all the numbers and they have not texted me since.
He was using a very strange accent that did not match his background. I could not tell if it was real or fake. He was also racist and made many political statements. This was the first and last time I would meet this guy.”
A tampon butt plug, online harassment, and a racist? Three strikes, you’re out.
Story #3 : A Match Made in french class
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of using Hinge (and by pleasure, I mean emotional turmoil), you probably assumed you’d never actually see those people in real life. While the chances are slim, they’re never zero. And unfortunately, this UMich student lived out one of the worst dating app nightmares possible.
“I was on Hinge one night and saw this guy from my French class, and immediately deactivated my account. I hope he didn’t see mine, because our professor literally made us partners for the oral exam.”
Honestly, I’d simply transfer… Or literally just drop out and go off the grid.
Story #4 : The birthday bust
If you have participated in the going-out culture at Ohio State, the likely chance is that you’ve met someone, whether it is at a bar or a frat. While it’s not always the best pool of prospects, some can seem okay when they first meet the eye. First meets the eye, however, is not a guarantee of quality…
“So I met this guy on my birthday, right. And, like, I made out with him, we got in his car, he got me food, whatever, whatever. We went out the next night, same thing. He said, ‘I really want to see you. I really like hanging out with you, you can’t get to know someone at the bar. Let’s actually hang out!’
He picked a time and place and planned out the whole thing. We were meeting at 8:00 p. m., so I get ready and get all dressed up, and then, at eight on the dot, he says, ‘We might have to meet up later…’ Then, he doesn’t text me until the next day. His excuse? He said his grandmother was in HOSPIS and that he had to go over to have ‘one last meal.’
He then proceeds to text me 20 times, and his last text said ‘Whatever, I knew you were just like other girls, you led me on,’ etc.”
Talk about a change of heart! Just because they’re interested in the start doesn’t mean they won’t switch up later. Be warned.
Story #5 : THe sasquatch
We all have different types. For example, some people like body hair, some don’t. This UMich student’s experience definitely tested how far that preference could go, reminding us that physical appearance is the least of your problems when the relationship itself is the real horror story.
“One time I dated a guy who was extremely hairy, like a Sasquatch, and his pubes would get stuck in my teeth. He cheated on me and I stayed with him for over a year afterwards. Also, I paid for everything and drove everywhere.”
This story feels like a three-part cautionary tale. Ignore the red flags. Lose your money. Walk away with emotional trauma and a side of fur. If you’re funding the relationship while he looks and acts like he belongs in the wilderness, run.
Story #6 : The Slobber Splash zone
Most of us have had a pretty embarrassing “first kiss” story, myself included. However, as you get further into a relationship with someone, or experiment with different people, let’s say you get some, well, practice. This is not the case for this Ohio State student, as I don’t think it ever crossed her partner’s mind that if you need a towel after a make-out, something’s wrong.
“I had this guy who I dated for seven months, and I had to break up with him because he never learned how to properly kiss and would slobber all over me. It would make me break out to the point that I would have to wash my face after I hung out with him because of all the spit.”
You might want to invest in some new face wash–and a new boyfriend. Maybe there is a crash course out there for all those who have the same saliva issue?
As hard as it is to put the rivalry aside, we can agree that these stories prove one thing: everyone has a candid dating experience in college. No matter where you go, there’s going to be at least one person who makes you never want to be in a relationship again.
Michigan gave us situationship central and emotionally unavailable men who think they’re nonchalant instead of just avoidant, while Ohio gave us breakouts from guys who simply don’t know how to kiss and dates that felt like a full-on fever dream.
So whether you’re a Wolverine or a Buckeye, consider this your reminder to set boundaries, not ignore red flags, and maybe… avoid guys who troll little kids on Roblox.