The holiday season has always been my favorite time of year. Ever since I was young, the holidays have held an intrinsic kind of magic. When I look back on the early winter months of my childhood, I’m often overwhelmed by nostalgia over memories of Christmas with my family. And sometimes there’s nothing specific to pinpoint; I just love that time of year. But as I grow up, I seem to find myself chasing a joy that never comes quite as close to the kind I felt when I was a kid.
I think the sentimentality comes from the traditions my family has built over the years. Every year after Thanksgiving, my family and I go buy a tree, and my dad wonders why my sisters and I insist on picking out the biggest one. Growing up, I’ve spent every Christmas at my grandparents’ house with my cousins. My grandma puts on a Santa hat to pass out our gifts, which always include the matching pajamas she buys for me and my cousins. I used to fall asleep on the ride home from the celebration, Christmas music playing softly on the radio. I look forward to the drives my dad takes our family on to admire the Christmas lights around my neighborhood. As I get older, I don’t love these traditions any less; they just start to feel different.
Adulthood has a way of pulling back the curtain on everything. You suddenly become aware of the time, money, and effort put into the holidays, and take on new responsibilities that don’t necessarily go on hold just because it’s December. I reminisce about my childhood because it was a time when I didn’t have a worry in the world. It’s much easier to live more in the moment when you don’t have other things to stress about. As an adult, you have to be more intentional about appreciating the time you spend with family and hometown friends, especially as your mind drifts to everything else happening in your life. As a college student, all of these feelings are amplified. Even your hometown and childhood bedroom might feel different from how they used to. Nostalgia hits harder because you’re in transition, making you long for the way things used to feel.
Accepting that shift is difficult. I would do anything to go back and relive my cherished memories so I could appreciate them the way I do today. I love growing up, but I also miss the simplicity of childhood. And the more I look back, the more grateful I feel for the people who created that magic for me. Like my dad, who used to chew on the carrots we left out for Santa’s reindeer along with the milk and cookies, and pull up the Santa tracker on his computer so we could watch him deliver gifts around the world. I think the reason the holidays felt so special was because others intentionally made it that way.
That idea actually makes me excited for the future when I get to pass on the fun to my own kids. And now that I live away from home, I cherish the holidays even more. Those times with family are now fewer and farther between. I’ve also grown to appreciate growing up alongside my cousins. There’s a certain connection we share through our memories, and it’s fun to relive those together. So while nostalgia is often accompanied by a sense of loss, I’m trying to focus instead on what it reveals. These past memories are so special and have brought me so much happiness. Even though it might not feel that way, nostalgia is a gift reminding you that you have memories worth missing.