Now that the fall semester is almost over, reality is starting to hit. I’m graduating in the Spring, and all the emotions that come with that simple fact are overwhelming. I’m proud of myself for working hard and completing my undergraduate degree a year earlier than I anticipated. I have no idea where to even start with my graduate school application. Every time I think about leaving the people and the place that I’ve grown to love, I feel like I’m going to be sick.
I think the fact that scares me most is that I’m doing this alone. Although one of my roommates is also graduating this Spring, we’ll be going on different paths. I have to navigate post-grad life by myself. I’ll go to work and take classes online from the comfort of my childhood home. I know that I should be incredibly proud of myself for pushing myself academically and succeeding, but I almost feel like I’ll be taking a step back.
My family means so much to me, and I’m eternally grateful for their support, but I love being away at school. I love learning about myself and the world without the influence of others. I love being able to make my own decisions. I think there’s something so beautiful about being able to get through challenges alone. Although I fall, I always get back up again, stronger every time.
When I think of everything that’s happened to me over the past five semesters, I don’t remember the bad moments. I remember my freshman dorm. I remember the late-night study sessions at the library. I remember the movie nights. I remember taking trips to Walmart at 10 pm. I remember the game nights that lasted until two in the morning. I think back to those Friday nights when I’d head into town with a small group and somehow end up walking home with twice as many people.
The thought of leaving those moments behind makes my heart race. I can’t imagine moving back home and leaving behind a part of myself, but the good thing is that I don’t have to. Although I’ve grown and changed, I’m still the same Adria that moved into my freshman dorm, and I’ll still be that girl when I move out of my apartment in May.
At the end of the day, all I have is myself, but I also have the memories. I have a scar on my ankle from when I fell down the stairs during my freshman year and had my first surgery. I have the backpack that I bought the summer before I started college. I have the sticker on my laptop that someone gave me when I was having a bad day. I have the sweatshirt that my mom bought me when I committed to college. Just because I’m graduating doesn’t mean that I can’t wear that sweatshirt anymore.