Do you ever get tired from thinking too much?
Like your mind is constantly buzzing, even when nothing is happening?
Do you ever feel lonely even when you’re surrounded by people who love you?
Yeah. Same.
Most of us feel this way because we care too damn much.
About how we look, how we speak, how others judge us, what impression we make, whether we’re “enough”.
We shape our whole lives around opinions that are temporary and people who won’t even remember what we said next week.
And when you care that much about everybody else, you stop caring about yourself.
You forget what you want. What you feel. What you dream of becoming.
That’s why this book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson, hits so hard.
It’s not one of those cringey self-help books that tells you to “stay positive” while your life is literally falling apart.
This book is about learning how to feel, how to accept the hard parts of life, and how to choose what actually deserves your energy.
This article covers the lessons from Chapters 1–5, the part of the book that punches you in your emotional ribs and leaves you re-evaluating your entire existence.
The Trap of Trying: The Feedback Loop from Hell
We live in an age that glorifies effort. Try harder. Be better. Smile more.
This endless chase for positivity, Manson explains, traps us in what he calls the “Feedback Loop from Hell”.
You feel anxious about a presentation, which is perfectly normal. But then, you feel anxious about feeling anxious. You feel guilty for not “moving on” fast enough after a breakup. Every emotion becomes a problem to be fixed.
Manson cuts through the noise with one of the most freeing truths:
By not giving a f*ck that you feel bad, you short-circuit the Feedback Loop from Hell.
Mark Manson
That’s not indifference; it’s self-acceptance. When we stop labelling our natural emotions as weaknesses, their grip on us fades. You might still fear public speaking, but if you care more about your message than your fear, suddenly that fear becomes background noise, not the main act.
The art isn’t in not caring, but in choosing what’s worth caring about.
Happiness Is a Problem
Happiness comes from solving problems
Mark Manson
“Happiness comes from solving problems,” Manson writes. “The search for a good time is not a good time.”
Our culture has turned happiness into a finish line, something you reach once you achieve, buy, or become enough. But life, as Manson reminds us, doesn’t work that way. Life is an endless series of problems, and that’s not tragic; that’s human.
You solve one, and another appears. The question isn’t how to avoid problems, but which problems are worth your effort.
Take fitness, for example. Everyone wants the reward, the toned body, the energy, and the confidence. But only a few embrace the pain: the early mornings, the discipline, the soreness. The secret to happiness isn’t in avoiding pain, but in choosing the pain you’re willing to live with.
“What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?”
That’s the question that actually leads to joy.
You Are Not Special — And That’s Okay
Scroll through Instagram for five minutes and you’ll see it: the illusion that everyone else is living an extraordinary life. The “Tyranny of Exceptionalism”, as Manson calls it, convinces us that being average is failure.
But Manson offers a liberating counterpoint:
“The fact is, if you’re not an exceptional human being, you’re far better off acknowledging your average-ness and working on being great at something you truly value.”
There’s deep peace in realizing you don’t have to be extraordinary. You just have to be real.
You can be a brilliant engineer and a terrible cook. You can be average at most things and still live a remarkable life filled with kindness, curiosity, and meaning.
When we stop chasing validation, we start living authentically. The parent who finds joy in showing up every day, or the friend who listens deeply instead of posting highlights, they’re living lives that matter.
You don’t have to be special to be fulfilled. You just have to be you.
The Value of Suffering
Suffering isn’t optional, but it can be meaningful.
In Chapter Four, Manson reminds us that pain, when guided by good values, is what shapes us.
Bad values, like chasing pleasure, status, or constant approval, create “shitty problems”. You’ll forever crave more likes, more money, more recognition. But good values, like honesty, growth, and empathy, create “good problems”.
Telling a friend a hard truth hurts, but it builds trust. Accepting criticism stings, but it makes you better.
Manson’s “Self-Awareness Onion” teaches us to keep peeling the layers of why we feel what we feel. Maybe your boss’s feedback hits hard because your hidden value is “I must always be right.” Replace that with “I value growth,” and suddenly, the same critique becomes a gift.
When you give a fck about being right, every correction feels like an attack.
When you give a fck about improving, every correction feels like progress.
Responsibility Over Fault: The Ultimate Power Move
Perhaps the hardest, yet most empowering idea Manson offers is the separation of fault and responsibility.
He writes,
“We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us — and how we respond.”
You didn’t cause the pandemic, or your layoff, or that breakup. But you’re responsible for what you do next.
Victimhood may feel comforting; it removes blame, but it also removes power. Responsibility, even when the fault isn’t yours, puts the steering wheel back in your hands.
Some people came out of global lockdowns broken. Others came out stronger, having used the time to reflect, learn, and rebuild. The difference wasn’t luck; it was choice.
“The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives.”
Life will never be free of pain, failure, or uncertainty. But when you start giving your limited f*cks only to things that matter, your values, your people, your purpose, everything else becomes noise.
So maybe the real art isn’t about not giving a f*ck at all.
Maybe it’s about giving one, just one, to the things that make you truly alive.
Okay, enough deep talk for now.
If I continue, I’ll start sounding like one of those motivational speakers with LED stage lights and too much confidence. 😭
So I’m ending this here, but there’s going to be a Part 2 covering chapters 6–9.
Just remember one thing till then:
Life is way too short to give too many f*cks.
Save them for the things and the people that actually matter.
And hey, if you related to any of this, if you also feel like you care a little too much like me,
or if you’re trying to learn how to choose yourself… come visit my profile at Her Campus at MUJ. We’re in this mess of being human together