I’m in this process of learning who I am and who I’m not and figuring out who I want to be and who I fear becoming. As I learn about who I am and what my path may look like, I see the world in a different light; sometimes it’s clear, and sometimes it’s not.
I think the toughest thing to deal with is the realization that what I see my future as today may not be what it looks like tomorrow.
The friendships I believed would follow me to the grave are starting to fade away; while this is a type of pain I cannot describe, I know it’s a part of life. Part of me wishes there was a fallout, because without one, what made the friendship so special is still there; it’s just no longer in my life, which sucks.
Those who once stayed with me through thick and thin now watch my life through their phone screen. They won’t be there for my future hardships or upcoming victories. While I’ve met many new incredible people, they only know me now; they didn’t know me then.
The people I surround myself with will never be a complete constant in my life; this is a tough pill to swallow. Some will stay; others will come and go. Sometimes, the departure of a friendship is subtle but painful. Other times, it’s harsh but needed. Through it all, the only constant I will ever find is myself.
In relying on friendship to fill my life with joy and reason, I tend to lose myself in the mix. In the end, I always end up hurt and never knowing what to do.
The only one who knew me and will continue to know me at every stage of life is me.
I’m not saying all friendships won’t last a lifetime; I’m sure some will. But at the end of the day, the only one who’s truly with you through thick and thin every single time is yourself. So, prioritize yourself.
I work out alone; this is time for me and only me— a zone to cry, scream, laugh, sing, or literally whatever. Regardless of who’s in my life at the time or what’s going on, I always have the joy and freedom that working out alone gives me. This is me prioritizing me.
I don’t know who’s going to be in my life tomorrow, and I have no idea who I will be surrounded by ten years from now. But I do think that the one who’s always and will always be here, through thick and thin, forever and ever, is me, so I deserve it.