There is no blueprint for being a woman in her 20s. You graduate, or you don’t. You move out, or you stay home. You get a job or you flounder for a while. Either way, you’re expected to build something; that is what comes with growing up. An identity, a career, a life – but most of the time it feels like you’re just improvising.
You’re technically an adult, but you still Google basic things that you should know how to do. You’re meant to be independent, but you still call your mom for things that you need help with, like how long you should heat up your food in the microwave for. You’re supposed to be emotionally intelligent, but you still spiral over a vague text from a man. It’s disorienting, and it’s a constant spiral. But it does come with its perks, like finding yourself over time.
Identity
Your 20s are a revolving door of versions of yourself. One month, you have everything together, and the next, you’re in a crash-out era for an entire week. You aren’t who you were at 18, but you’re also not who you’ll be at 30 either. You start to realize that “finding yourself” isn’t a one-time event – it’s a slow, often boring process of becoming and growing.
Emotional Growing Pains
Nobody warns you how much grief comes with growth. You lose friendships and relationships that once felt permanent. You outgrow places, hobbies, habits, and even dreams. You start to realize that your relationship with your parents has changed once you realize that they are human too. It’s you who is now responsible for your emotional regulation.
Some days you feel grounded and self-aware, and other days you want to curl up into a ball and cry about something that wouldn’t have even bothered you a year ago. Emotional growth isn’t linear – it’s a lot of breakthroughs, regressions, progressions, and quiet realizations.
The Pressure to Perform
The constant pressure to perform and look like you have everything together can be very hard on your mental state, especially when you feel like you’re falling behind. You see things on social media that you compare yourself to, coming to realize that timelines aren’t real and everyone is on their own path, which is a nice realization, but for some reason, that doesn’t make the anxiety of wanting to perform well in your 20s disappear.
The Quiet Moments of Growth
Most growth isn’t dramatic. It happens little by little every day, but it moves so slowly that you won’t realize the change you’ll go through until you’ve already reached the end of an era. Saying no when you used to say yes or realizing you don’t need to be liked by everyone to feel okay is a sign of growth as you age.
You set boundaries now, and you stop chasing people who hurt you. You learn how to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. This is hard, and not everybody can recognize that these are essential factors to finding yourself and who you are as you grow up.
The Weirdness of It All
The irony of writing this article is that I am only 20; however, I feel like I have gone through many of these changes at such a young age, which kind of scares me to know what the future will hold for me. I have gone through a few identity crises and a lot of emotional regulation practices already. Where will I be in 5 years when I have a developed frontal lobe? Will I have my stuff together, or will I still be winging it? What will my path be?
Being a woman in your 20s is weird. You’re constantly finding new versions of yourself, all the while missing who you used to be. It’s scary, but all a part of growing up; you have to keep it moving. Growing up and finding yourself is definitely not a perfect linear pathway, but it’s not supposed to feel perfect; it’s just real.