Everyone talks about modern dating with disdain in their voice. They hate what it has become and how hard it is to find someone who wants something long-term. And although I’m a lover girl at heart who wants nothing but the love of my life to sweep me off the market for the rest of my life, I also think there’s an argument to be made for dating for fun.
Now, let me make something clear: I’m talking about dating someone for a shorter period of time—going on dates, actually building a connection, not being in a situationship that is only active at night. There are many reasons why someone might want to be in a short-term fling or something of that sort. And I can neither confirm nor deny if I am speaking from personal experience with any of these reasons.
Someone who would be a good partner for you requires a very specific personality, and that’s different for everyone. One person might need someone who is into grand gestures, while someone else would hate that. All of this to say, it is hard to find someone who will work as a serious partner. It’s easier to find people who you get along with but don’t have to have deep conversations with. So you might stay with someone to have someone to spend time with or go on cute dates with, but won’t be able to get serious with.
This leads into the main reason for getting into a relationship—or situationship—in the first place: loneliness. Nobody wants to be alone, and having a partner in any respect can make you less lonely. Someone who is giving you attention and wants to spend time with you is a very addictive trait. This is especially true if you have moved somewhere new. You might want a partner for the sake of having someone to spend time with in this new place since you may not know anyone else.
Additionally, you can be in different points in life. You can find someone who would be a great partner, but you have very different goals and paths ahead of you. This is coming from someone who literally just moved across the world. I was not about to fall in love with someone before moving to Ireland. I would rather have spent time with someone during the summer months who I maybe keep in touch with when I move, but it’s nothing more serious than that. It’s hard enough to keep long-distance friendships, and I was not about to start up something real that I knew would end in a couple of months.
There’s also the lack of societal pressure. Marriage used to be a very important and necessary ceremony in every person’s life that brought together families. Over the years, it has changed to be about love and emotional connections instead. This has also been impacted by the feminist movement. Now that women have a lot of autonomy in terms of divorce and the ability to support themselves, partners are not as needed. People have to work harder to find their partners and even harder to keep them because the promise of a dowry is no longer going to cut it.
There are also the scary divorce statistics. Since divorce was legalized in the past couple of decades, couples have been using that to get out of unhappy marriages. This has led to many people seeing first hand split-up marriages and could possibly shape their point of view to one that doesn’t believe in love or being in love forever. It all just boils down to commitment issues—so not wanting to get into anything serious. This is why many people are scared of using labels because then it makes it real and makes them vulnerable.
Even with all of this said, I still hope my generation can get fixed and start falling in love again. No more situationship nonsense; I want to be cherished by someone. But sometimes short-term flings are just what you need for the moment, and maybe we should make that less stigmatized.