Having the opportunity to hear Malala Yousafzai speak at Skidmore was an incredible privilege
and honor. As a woman who has had such a vastly unique life trajectory, I was struck by her
relatability, sense of humor, and humanity. I was inspired by the way she was able to seamlessly
connect with the audience, which she was able to accomplish with vulnerability. Malala has been
a lifelong role model for me and my family. Having been raised by a mother who immigrated
from Pakistan to the United States in pursuit of her education, and growing up sharing a home
with my Muslim grandparents, I have experienced firsthand a lot of the expectations surrounding
dating and marriage in Islamic culture. There is a strong emphasis on what age a girl is married,
and the preservation of familial reputation is critical. Love in the context of marriage has often
been understood as a social arrangement and performance, and marriage has historically been an
arm of control detrimental to a woman’s right to self determination.
Malala revealed that she came to the realization that she wanted to marry her husband Asser
while on holiday in Lake Placid, New York. Malala opened up about the scrutiny and backlash
she faced after her engagement, being labeled as hypocritical after advocating so fiercely for the
independence of women. I loved how she described her journey with realizing that marriage can
and should be empowering for women. As opposed to an act of surrender, love and marriage was
freedom and rebellion.
Her engagement story resonated with me deeply, reminding me of the strong women in my own
family who rebelled with their love. My Pakistani grandmother chose to marry an Indian man, an
act that was unthinkable for their time. My mother later married a non-Muslim American man,
which was a similarly rebellious act. Hearing Malala verbalize her experience with marriage
made me realize that feminism is both inherent and essential to love. Malala, and any woman
choosing love and marriage despite fear of risking agency requires remarkable courage and
vulnerability.
Towards the end of the conversation, the interviewer shifted the discussion by prompting
pre-selected questions that had been submitted by audience members beforehand. I would’ve
loved to see the conversation be opened to the audience live. I think that would have helped
foster a feeling of authenticity and connection within the audience. Malala was prompted, “What
is your favorite song from the new Taylor Swift album?” While Malala had usually found ways
to incorporate personal reflections and anecdotes, her response to this question was brief.
Something along the lines of “Eldest daughter, because I am the oldest daughter in my family.” I
couldn’t help feeling disappointed by this question. While I understand that a central theme of
Finding My Way is Malala’s exploration of girlhood and a deeply rooted desire to feel
unremarkable and similar to her peers, I would have loved if this question had been more open
ended.
In addition to the education of girls, the Taliban had banned music and television in Pakistan. As
a result, the liberation Malala feels experiencing music is so powerful. In an Instagram post from
August 2024, Malala says: “One of my favorite memories from Swat Valley is a field trip I took
in middle school with my best friend, Moniba. Giggling, we went to a waterfall hidden away in a
lush green mountain. We were so excited because we were finally allowed to go to school again
and could be outdoors with our friends, laughing and singing together.” Earlier in the interview,
Malala had shared how she had experienced extreme feelings of homesickness for Pakistan while
attending university at Oxford. After hearing this, one of Malala’s close friends played traditional
music for her and Malala described how meaningful it was to feel connected to her culture while
facing travel restrictions to Pakistan. Having heard these experiences, I would have loved to
know what her favorite song was in general, what song reminds her of home, or if and how her
experience with music has changed since leaving Pakistan.
I was so humbled to witness Malala’s Finding My Way tour. To be able to reflect upon her life
experiences that she expressed with such grace, and to feel inspired by generations of women in
my own family was invaluable