Through expressions such as “Comparison is the thief of joy,” through music such as J. Cole’s popular “Love Yourz,” and even through monologues such as Katonya Breaux Riley’s in “Be Yourself,” mainstream media reminds us frequently that uniqueness should be celebrated and maintained. However, it is human nature to compare oneself to others. On the other side of the coin, society, especially social media, encourages one to look at the contrasts of their own life with people they encounter on the internet. Other people’s lives, or the fabricated image they have created of them, have never been more accessible than at this current moment. With this push to share comes the inescapable suggestion to “keep up with the Joneses.”
Everyone participates in this struggle, undoubtedly, but it wouldn’t be fair to disregard the reality that being a woman or a young adult exponentially increases the negativity that comparison brings. Without turning this article into a feminist piece, women have always been required to perform and reach an unattainable standard set by the patriarchy. In most forms, social media intensifies or perpetuates this. And when you’re a young adult, still figuring out your place in life, you are vulnerable to feeling uncertainty about whether or not you are on the “right” path. While easier said than done, and even easier to get caught up in, being aware of these circumstances is important.
An important aspect of this acknowledgement is that no one can really be anyone but themselves. While a simple enough statement, it can be misunderstood. Every individual has a past with memories, traumas, and joys that are completely unique to them. Even if another was involved or in the same place at the same time, no two individuals somatically experience an event the same way. Everyone’s life is so intricately woven that the only one who ever truly knows you is yourself. With this being said, there is no use in trying to be like anyone else but you as it is an impossible task.
Following the understanding that no one else can be you, it is important to be present while being yourself. If you understand that you can and should admire others and look up to role models, but you cannot be anyone but who you are, the next step is being present in your own life. Actively loving and experiencing yourself will not only make you much more desirable to others but also more whole and fulfilled. You cannot enjoy life to its capacity if you are always glancing at someone else’s. Focusing on yourself and actively working on bettering her is more beneficial than comparison could ever be.
When you focus on yourself, you get to see what really makes you feel accomplished. Homing in on what this is creates authenticity, which is something severely lacking in current society. Everything now is fast-paced, microtrends, and lots of repetition. We see this in everything from media we consume, like film, to the fashion in clothes we wear. Comparing and copying depletes authenticity. If everyone is going on the same vacations, eating the same kinds of foods, applying for the same jobs, doing the same kinds of exercise, etc., there will be no variety, and life will become dull and uniform. Don’t be afraid to stray from trends or act on your own ideal for you. Your true personality will always be better than a watered-down version of someone else’s.
Acknowledging these truths can be the first step in avoiding the harm of comparison: being someone else is unattainable, comparison stops you from being present, and it is inauthentic. Not comparing yourself is much easier said than done. The next step can be practicing gratitude for the life you are living. What is going well for you? What is the way you want it to be? Focusing on what you have, not focusing on what you do not.
“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.” — Henry David Thoreau (1854)
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