Going through the FIVE stages of grief when listening to Conan Gray
I love a good upbeat pop song as much as my fellow pop fans, however, I have and will always be at my core, a sad song girl. Whether it is just my general disposition, or my everyday moods, I have always been drawn to the devastating lyrics that my favorite artists produce. Sad songs always feel more personal as the lyrics depict vulnerable and relatable moments that can be a mirror to what you have felt before. With Taylor Swift’s new upbeat album, The Life of a Showgirl, I wanted to make sure my sad song girls still had their fix of new music to listen to. One of my favorite artists, Conan Gray, writes the most gut-wrenching lyrics I have ever heard, yet is not as talked about as he deserves. If you feel like diving into a world of heartbreak, insecurities and superstitions, make sure to give Conan’s new album Wishbone a listen.
When I first listened to Wishbone, I was shocked at how many feelings could be fit into a 12 track album. Through my first listen, the tracklist loosely followed along with the stages of grief in a heartbreak. We start out with a strong opener that sets the tone for the rest of the album. The song “Actor” focuses on not being able to hide away the feeling of heartbreak, followed by all the feelings rushing out through the next 11 songs.
“And I tried to hide the feeling, but I just can’t lie that way. You pretend nothing happened, I believe, cause you’re a much better actor than me.”
We then listen to “This Song,” which lines up with the first stage of grief: denial. This song is an expressive love song thinking about all the positive memories you have with the person you love. “We’re sat in my bedroom, and I hear your heart like a train on the tracks. Your eyes are like heaven, your voice is like rain, eleven-elevens, they all hear your name.” This song shows the whole other part to the album, contrasting the opening track and showing how much life involves both love and heartbreak.
We are then transported back into the feeling of angst that this album expresses so well as we move to the anger stage of grief and heartbreak in tracks three, four and five. “Vodka Cranberry” is a perfect encapsulation of anger in any sort of relationship. Whether it is the ending of a friendship, a breakup or even family fractures–this song covers all the bases. “So cruel to be lying to my face, cause I know what you’re too scared to say. Speak up, I know you hate me, looked at your picture and cried like a baby”.
Track four, “Romeo,” digs deeper into this feeling, equating this pain to being stabbed and throwing direct insults at the subject of this song, saying “they’re no Romeo.” Even though this song brings a different beat into the album, the lyricism is still present: “I took that blade into my ribs, you took away my will to live. So I hope you know I’m never gonna want you back, you put me in a grave of stone.”
The next track, “My World,” rounds out the feelings of anger leading into more peace with the situation. It is a realization that you have control over your life, it’s “your world” and you don’t have to let someone else have control over your feelings and actions. This track is my personal favorite because I feel that everyone has at least one moment where they can relate to this song. Oftentimes we let other people dictate our lives just because of our own feelings, but this song is a reminder to keep on doing what is best for yourself.
“I found approval as a remedy, every f***ing I would have to please, maybe I got that from you. But why? It’s my world and it’s my life.”
While this album does closely resemble the stages of grief that exist in heartbreak, Conan does a great job at keeping you on the edge of your seat. “Class Clown,” the next track, is a devastating commentary on growing up constantly feeling like an outsider. “Growing up didn’t go how I’d like, it twists and turns like the limbs of a pine. Trying to grow on an earth that writhes and do it all with the biggest smile.” Feelings like these always have moments where they resurface years later, especially when going through other vulnerable stages of life, and this is a perfect representation of how difficult times in life go.
Conan doesn’t let you come up for air, as the next song, “Nauseous,” makes you feel just that. This song represents anxiety in a relationship that a person will leave, caused by past occurrences, making you never feel fully secure no matter how much you want that relationship. “Your love is a threat and I’m nauseous, scares me to death how I want it. Not common sense, but I’m haunted by people who’ve left, so you scare me to death.”
The next song is a battle between the anger at the situation contrasted with the happiness of the memories. “Caramel” is a perfect metaphor used to describe how fast something sweet can quickly burn and how emotions with a tough situation can coexist. “Did me wrong in the past, and I know it was bad, but you burn inside my memory so well you caramel.”
“Connell” is what I believe to be the saddest song on the album, if you can believe that it gets sadder. This song fully embraces the depression that comes with an ending of a chapter, taking the blame off the other person and putting the light up to your own insecurities. “But deep in my bones I know pain is what I earned. And you remind me of how good it feels to hurt, yeah you remind me of how little I deserve.”
In “Sunset Tower,” we can tell the album is coming to a close as Conan starts to exit from deep depression and into avoidance and an abundance of conflicting feelings, saying that he misses the person, then that he wants to move on, that he wants them to be hurting and then that he only wishes them the best.
“Spare me all the stories of how you’re moving on, lying to myself when I say that’s what I want. Part of me just wanted some proof it’s hurting you in the way it’s hurting me too.”
Before we get to our last track, we have one final moment of bargaining in “Eleven Eleven” where you’re holding onto all your last superstitions in hopes that this situation can be resolved without an ending. While this tracklist does a great job of showing the different moments that occur in a heartbreak of any kind. Healing from anything is not linear, and this album portrays that sentiment so well, which is part of why it is my favorite album from Conan Gray thus far.
“I’ll find signs for you and I…there’s wishbones and clovers and numbers from heaven, shapes in the stars to invent our connection, as much as I act like I want to forget it, I still wish for you at 11:11.”
Finally we get to the closing track, “Care,” which is the final acceptance of the situation, leading to being ready to move on. The main theme is that things truly ended up how they were supposed to be, but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t still love for that person. “I’m not trying to say that I want you back, but it’s nice to linger in the past.”
This album is an emotional rollercoaster no matter what is currently happening in your life. While I am typically a music on shuffle person, this is one of those albums that necessitates a full front to back listen because even though every song individually is incredibly strong, the full story has so much more to offer. As a self-proclaimed connoisseur of sad songs, these songs are full of some of the most heartbreaking lyrics I’ve ever heard. Make sure to give Wishbone a listen for your very own free heartbreak experience.